Close to Acceptance
(after almost a month of posting Stage 1 of Losing)
What if we didn't meet?
What if we were never friends?
What if you didn't call me when you were drunk that night?
What if I didn't rush to pick you up?
What if you were not that drunk?
What if you didn't say, "Hold my hand, don't let go."
What if I didn't hold it and I let it go?
What if you didn't hug me when we slept?
What if I didn't hug you back?
What if I didn't give meaning to it?
What if I didn't feel this?
What if you also feel this?
What if I can't hold it back?
What if...what if...
What if this isn't just a dream?
Friday, June 13, 2014
Sunday, June 8, 2014
Writing after a long time of hibernation: random things about gettin' old
1. I am numb. And I am not sure if this, already, is freedom.
2. I'll be 29 next month. I feel old. And cold. Oblivious of the youthful feeling of, as society puts it, "falling in love."
3. In the process, I have lost a great amount of humor. There are things and people that no longer make me laugh easily.
4. Pretty much, life has become a routine. And sometimes, a meaningless rat race in the work place.
5. But I can no longer rant like as if it's still quarter life crisis. Now I would easily get back to my senses and realize I need to keep my job because I need the cash to pay my mortgage.
6. You kinda hate it, too, that as you grow old, your opinion in various spheres like family and work place now actually matters. You feel burdened by the responsibility it entails.
7. I still hate the government. And political crocs.
8. One day I'd wear a black shirt that says, "freedom of religion and freedom from religion for all."
9. The raging hormones are gone. Sex is one of the least important things.
10. And I realized I am better off single. That committing to be in a relationship being the complex person that I am would spell enough trouble.
Yes, trouble.
2. I'll be 29 next month. I feel old. And cold. Oblivious of the youthful feeling of, as society puts it, "falling in love."
3. In the process, I have lost a great amount of humor. There are things and people that no longer make me laugh easily.
4. Pretty much, life has become a routine. And sometimes, a meaningless rat race in the work place.
5. But I can no longer rant like as if it's still quarter life crisis. Now I would easily get back to my senses and realize I need to keep my job because I need the cash to pay my mortgage.
6. You kinda hate it, too, that as you grow old, your opinion in various spheres like family and work place now actually matters. You feel burdened by the responsibility it entails.
7. I still hate the government. And political crocs.
8. One day I'd wear a black shirt that says, "freedom of religion and freedom from religion for all."
9. The raging hormones are gone. Sex is one of the least important things.
10. And I realized I am better off single. That committing to be in a relationship being the complex person that I am would spell enough trouble.
Yes, trouble.
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