Sums me up

May mga taong mawawala sayo

Yung iba sakanila, permanente nang maglalaho. ganun daw talaga, yung iba dadaan lang para sa ilang paraan e mas hubugin tayo bilang tao.

Pero hindi ibig sabihin nun titigil ka na rin at 'di na iinog ang mundo mo. sus! kaya mo yan, tsong! malakas ka 'di ba? :)

Tuklaw

Gusto kong kumuha ng pet snake. Curious ako sa behaviors and mechanisms ng mga ahas.

Busy?

Ang hirap pag hindi ka busy

Nakakamis yung tight schedule

Nakakamis yung adrenaline 

Nakakamis yung stress

Ironic nga lang

Pag masyadong busy

Gustong magpahinga

Pag nakatambay

Gustong maging busy

Ganun talaga siguro ang buhay

Naghahanap ng kung ano ang wala

Parang parating may kulang

Parang may dapat ma-iba

Gusto ko maging busy, again :) 

Seasons Include Wait Times

I finished all of my academic and practicum requirements last April 15th, more than a month ago. Since then I started applying for jobs. Unfortunately, my many attempts proved to be unsuccessful.

To note, I got one phone call and the HR coordinator scheduled me for an interview. I was really excited. I prepared my portfolio and the semi-formal attire that I had to wear for that day. I was eagerly happy. I told my parents and a few friends to pray for me. I browsed through the company's website to brief myself with some of the possible questions. I also reviewed some notes on how to market my skills better.

My supposed interview on that day was scheduled at 1:00 PM. I woke up as early as 8:00 in the morning, took a shower, and prepared for my "big day". I checked on my bus schedule to make sure that I'll get there on time. Aside from the rainy weather, everything seemed to be fine.

I arrived at the agency at 12:30 PM. I put on my best smile to give the receptionist a good first impression. I was feeling so excited for my turn. Unfortunately, my cellphone rang. It was the HR coordinator. She asked me if I have a schedule at 1:00 PM. I replied, "yes, actually I'm already here at the reception". At that time I knew something was wrong. She finally uttered the sad news. She told me that my interview was cancelled and I should wait for another phone call for a probable next schedule. No definite time was given and no explanation was said. I did not bother to ask.

The moment immediately felt dull and my already depleted self-esteem grew weaker. I wanted to cry but I knew I had to be strong, at least for the moment. I took the bus home feeling down hearted. My thoughts passed through mountains and oceans as I was strongly considering the idea of going home to the Philippines. It seemed that there's no future that awaits for me here. I felt so small, so powerless.

Upon arriving home, I immediately went straight to my room. I felt so tired, tired of waiting, tired of hoping. However, I realized that I trusted God through that process. Yes, it did not work well but it does not change the fact that God is still God. In down times or good times, He is still God and He is unchangeable; He can never be moved. After all I'm just a human being, a mere dust, a shadow that chases after the wind.

All of my desires, longings, and ambitions are nothing and they, too shall pass. As the days go by and moments fade away, so will my temporal dreams. And an ancient proverb says, "success comes when you no longer crave for it for when you reach that point you don't chase after success anymore for it chases after you".

I know I'm getting there!

By the way, my name is Darnel. I'm privileged to be invited here at "The Coping Club". It feels so good to vent.

When that door opens

I will run fast, slam it hard, and never come back.

Ticket

Ngayon ko lang nalaman na bukas na pala ang alis ko. I'm leaving and it's all good. Hopefully this time, no more turning backs and no more backtracks. I'll be traveling alone which means I have enough time for myself before I mix myself to a new crowd.

I always like starts and beginnings, they give me the strange yet soothing feeling of assurance, or opportunities more likely. Tomorrow is another day, so was yesterday. But tomorrow should at least be different, special. Tomorrow, another chance is waiting for me in a far off place. I'll be leaving my comfort zone and I hope that I'll find where my heart has been all this time.

I have been living my life with one foot out the door. I am always on the verge of leaving. Staying for a long time is difficult for me, much more staying for good. I just don't feel doing routines, being with the same people, and dwelling in places where change is a never heard word.

Tomorrow is a justification of those things.

I can always look back, but never will I come back. That's how firm and definite my decision is, at least for now.

I am not sure if after some time I'll feel this urge again, to leave and turn over an even newer leaf.