Sums me up

May mga taong mawawala sayo

Yung iba sakanila, permanente nang maglalaho. ganun daw talaga, yung iba dadaan lang para sa ilang paraan e mas hubugin tayo bilang tao.

Pero hindi ibig sabihin nun titigil ka na rin at 'di na iinog ang mundo mo. sus! kaya mo yan, tsong! malakas ka 'di ba? :)

Tuklaw

Gusto kong kumuha ng pet snake. Curious ako sa behaviors and mechanisms ng mga ahas.

Busy?

Ang hirap pag hindi ka busy

Nakakamis yung tight schedule

Nakakamis yung adrenaline 

Nakakamis yung stress

Ironic nga lang

Pag masyadong busy

Gustong magpahinga

Pag nakatambay

Gustong maging busy

Ganun talaga siguro ang buhay

Naghahanap ng kung ano ang wala

Parang parating may kulang

Parang may dapat ma-iba

Gusto ko maging busy, again :) 

Seasons Include Wait Times

I finished all of my academic and practicum requirements last April 15th, more than a month ago. Since then I started applying for jobs. Unfortunately, my many attempts proved to be unsuccessful.

To note, I got one phone call and the HR coordinator scheduled me for an interview. I was really excited. I prepared my portfolio and the semi-formal attire that I had to wear for that day. I was eagerly happy. I told my parents and a few friends to pray for me. I browsed through the company's website to brief myself with some of the possible questions. I also reviewed some notes on how to market my skills better.

My supposed interview on that day was scheduled at 1:00 PM. I woke up as early as 8:00 in the morning, took a shower, and prepared for my "big day". I checked on my bus schedule to make sure that I'll get there on time. Aside from the rainy weather, everything seemed to be fine.

I arrived at the agency at 12:30 PM. I put on my best smile to give the receptionist a good first impression. I was feeling so excited for my turn. Unfortunately, my cellphone rang. It was the HR coordinator. She asked me if I have a schedule at 1:00 PM. I replied, "yes, actually I'm already here at the reception". At that time I knew something was wrong. She finally uttered the sad news. She told me that my interview was cancelled and I should wait for another phone call for a probable next schedule. No definite time was given and no explanation was said. I did not bother to ask.

The moment immediately felt dull and my already depleted self-esteem grew weaker. I wanted to cry but I knew I had to be strong, at least for the moment. I took the bus home feeling down hearted. My thoughts passed through mountains and oceans as I was strongly considering the idea of going home to the Philippines. It seemed that there's no future that awaits for me here. I felt so small, so powerless.

Upon arriving home, I immediately went straight to my room. I felt so tired, tired of waiting, tired of hoping. However, I realized that I trusted God through that process. Yes, it did not work well but it does not change the fact that God is still God. In down times or good times, He is still God and He is unchangeable; He can never be moved. After all I'm just a human being, a mere dust, a shadow that chases after the wind.

All of my desires, longings, and ambitions are nothing and they, too shall pass. As the days go by and moments fade away, so will my temporal dreams. And an ancient proverb says, "success comes when you no longer crave for it for when you reach that point you don't chase after success anymore for it chases after you".

I know I'm getting there!

By the way, my name is Darnel. I'm privileged to be invited here at "The Coping Club". It feels so good to vent.

When that door opens

I will run fast, slam it hard, and never come back.

Ticket

Ngayon ko lang nalaman na bukas na pala ang alis ko. I'm leaving and it's all good. Hopefully this time, no more turning backs and no more backtracks. I'll be traveling alone which means I have enough time for myself before I mix myself to a new crowd.

I always like starts and beginnings, they give me the strange yet soothing feeling of assurance, or opportunities more likely. Tomorrow is another day, so was yesterday. But tomorrow should at least be different, special. Tomorrow, another chance is waiting for me in a far off place. I'll be leaving my comfort zone and I hope that I'll find where my heart has been all this time.

I have been living my life with one foot out the door. I am always on the verge of leaving. Staying for a long time is difficult for me, much more staying for good. I just don't feel doing routines, being with the same people, and dwelling in places where change is a never heard word.

Tomorrow is a justification of those things.

I can always look back, but never will I come back. That's how firm and definite my decision is, at least for now.

I am not sure if after some time I'll feel this urge again, to leave and turn over an even newer leaf.

I remember writing this draft in a hotel lobby but I never got to click on the publish button.

Trials. Heartaches. Failures. Rejection. These are all launchpads to success. They give us the drive to rise up, to seize every chance to win. They push us out of our comfort zones. They teach us to defend ourselves until we are invincible.

Mahapdi

Yung feeling na di mo alam kung san ka lulugar. o pano ka aasta. kasi di mo alam kung ano ba talaga yung meron kayo. sobrang labo! pero wala kang sapat na lakas na loob para magtanong o magsalita. nakakasira ng kokote.

Nasa ibang lugar ako noon, nagtatrabaho. Nakakapagod, pero I tried to enjoy the place kasi sayang naman ang pakakataon. Napaka nostalgic ng feeling tuwing gabi lalo na't halos bulb lang ang nagsisilbing street lights sa lugar. Lalo na't bigla kong nalaman na ililipat raw ako ng team. Actually, nilipat na.
Ok lang naman, nakakabigla nga lang. Nakakalungkot dahil nasanay na akong makipagpuyatan sa nakagisnan kong grupo.

Oo na.

For now, I'm happy...and bitter. Call it an after-taste. Like eating your favorite isaw at Legazpi Rotonda.

Ampait

Di ko alam kung bakit gising pa ako. Naalala ko siya bigla. Malamang gising pa siya, itext ko kaya? Kaso baka hindi naman niya pansinin. Nahihiya ako.

Anyway, ampait ng iced mocha.

;)

Nahiya naman ako sa grammar ko. At nahiya naman akong hindi ako marunong magproofread. Sige, maglaro tayo.

Pride

Pride pride pride. kung pwede ka lang isangla, sigurado sobrang yaman ko na.

Kaarawan

Sa aking fan este idol pala belated Happy Birthday.. From Paris Hilton =)
I know you are still waiting for me..hahaha =)

5.10.2011

Hello slow Karma! Move yo fat ass!

Sakto

6, 8, 12


Ooh, ooh
Do you ever think about me?
Do you ever cry yourself to sleep?
In the middle of the night when you're awake,
Are you calling out for me?
Do you ever reminisce?


It's been six months, eight days, twelve hours
Since you went away
I miss you so much and I don't know what to say
I should be over you
I should know better but it's just not the case 
It's been six months, eight days, twelve hours
Since you went away


Do you ever ask about me?
Do your friends still tell you what to do?
Every time the phone rings,
Do you wish it was me calling you?
Do you still feel the same?
Or has time put out the flame?


8 May 2011

Nagui-guilty rin naman ako pag nag-aaway kami ng nanay ko. Syempre kahit sabihin nyang manang mana ako sa tatay kong halang ang sikmura, nanay ko pa rin naman sya, at asawa nya pa rin yung tatay ko.

Ma, alam kong di mo to mababasa, at alam kong kahit kelan eh hindi ako ang pinangarap mong sweet na anak pero happy mother's day pa din sayo at sa lahat ng nanay na patuloy na nagtyatyaga at tumatanda dahil sa konsumisyon. Di ko kakalimutan yung pangako ko na kapag pumuti na lahat ng buhok mo, ako yung magkukulay nyan para sayo.

Anak ng bagoong naman oh, sana talaga mabasa mo to, ang sweet ko eh.

All of you

*pointing fingers like a drunk man*

I guess you've pushed me really hard that I've learned to fly.

What's Bugging U Lately?

My life has been a little down and slow paced lately, or maybe longer than I have noticed. There has always been a void that suddenly strikes me at any time it desires. I’m often caught unprepared, and when it comes I am unsure of what to do. Most of the times, I just succumb to being a victim of circumstance, of my own choices, of fate—and of anything else I can blame.

I consider myself weak, because I think so. My goal is to become a stronger person, and that being said, with consistency.

I have listed the things that are bugging me lately. These things frustrate me. In order to overcome these, I must identify it so that I can apply the best possible solution.

I just want to share these with you. Maybe you feel the same, and you can share your thoughts about it with me.

Absence of Romantic Relationship. (I know, cliche but) Love is one void in me that has never been filled up since the last time I was in a romantic relationship. Not having one makes me still think about my ex who broke up with me two years ago. I don’t think I have ever moved on, because I never really found someone else. The absence of somebody to love has made me a liar. Whenever my officemates ask me if I have a girlfriend (or a boyfriend, they desperately pose) I tell them I have the former, and if they ask for details I say I want to keep it private or change the topic to escape and end the conversation about me.

The social expectation makes me want to look for love. It is hard because I cannot see anyone that I can find love with. It makes me look at my life miserably.

Unable to do what I want to do. I have been in the call center industry for two years now. This is my first job since I graduated from college. I took this path because I want to earn money, since I know how it feels to not have some. I don’t want to beg for money. I don’t want to rely to others, especially to my parents, for money. Some may consider what I have achieved in this field a milestone because I luckily get posts others took a longer time to achieve. I am grateful of it too, but still I feel unhappiness and discontent. Although I initially got what I wanted, it strikes me hard when I think of what I should really become. Simply put—I finished journalism, so I should be writing. I should be outside, wandering, taking notes, sharing what I knew and discovered through some media—yet I am not where my heart is.

Failure to pursue a Networking opportunity. Early this year, or late last year, friends—one, I considered my best—came up to me. It was a bit of a shock that they appeared at my apartment’s doorstep. I knew that they were up to something. They didn’t immediately say it because they waited for the perfect timing. When they got the timing they needed they talked me into a business opportunity. It was a networking deal, you recruit more people to join the group. To earn, you get people and/or sell the company’s product. When my friends reached me out for this, I was in the mood to do something else that would add up to my earnings. I honestly thought they were just using me, and taking advantage of the friend they have in me. Although I was in doubt of their sincerity as friends, I willingly agreed to be swayed into what they wanted me to do. I invested money, “not as much as what you would invest to other businesses,” they said. I was discouraged by my own stubbornness and by the thought that these people came up to me because they were up to something. I never tried recruiting anyone into the organization. My friends might have been there for a good reason, but I didn’t like their idea of showing up because of it. It made me trust them less.

Material Things. I am working because I want to have a secure future. I want that one day my family and I will live a more comfortable life. I don’t see the fruits of my labor yet. I am excited to own a house and a car or houses and cars, and I don’t have any idea when I’ll have it.

I am pretty tensed with myself. I want to get everything right. There is no room for mistakes because I hate to disappoint myself knowing that I will disappoint others. I know the importance of letting loose, but it is hard when you don’t know what to let go first. I am 23 and counting, but you can subtract the past two years because I don’t think I have lived then—until I sincerely feel FREEDOM.

P.S. Gagged, paki-edit. HAHA