Saturday, October 25, 2014
Monday, October 20, 2014
Thursday, September 25, 2014
Disconnected
She was dazzled the first time
she saw you irked.
She was a little surprised with the first “with emotion” text, “Napipikit ako sa antok. Haha.”
She found you makulit but she eventually liked it.
She likes it when you make kwento stuff.
She was flattered when you noticed, “Bagay sa’yo nakabraid. Ay.”
She likes you.
Her heart skipped a beat when you suddenly kissed her on the cheek.
She always loved the way you say, "For life?"
She was disappointed when you lied.
She bought the alibis and accepted your apology.
She got kilig when you said, “I hate you.”
She loves you.
She loved how you kissed her while she was in the middle of saying something.
She was disappointed when you forgot the birthday and even more irked when you denied it.
She was pissed when you forgot about the bookmark.
She was occasionally annoyed when you play a loooooot.
She likes it when you update her.
She likes it when you ask her out. And like it even more when you make reklamo she doesn’t do the same.
She’s happy whenever you ask her how her day was.
She got kilig when you asked for a copy of the Korean drama.
She finds it cute when you’re inis and nakasimangot.
She’s weird but you’re crazy.
She loves it when you cook. Kilig. But, hello carcinogens!
She misses you.
She likes it when you hugggg.
She liked how you held her hands.
She finds it cute whenever you ask to run at the intersection or jump on stairs.
She's disappointed whenever you deny.
She likes it when you talk about basketball.
She liked it when you said, “Headroom?” upon seeing her food porn photo.
Although she doesn’t fall for your gulat tricks, she likes how you attempt to scare her.
She’s impatient but she learned how to wait.
She’s been meaning to ask things but your look always interferes.
She always overthinks.
She’s sad because you’ve changed.
She hugged you and took a very deeeeeeeeeeep breath.
Then she let you go.
She was a little surprised with the first “with emotion” text, “Napipikit ako sa antok. Haha.”
She found you makulit but she eventually liked it.
She likes it when you make kwento stuff.
She was flattered when you noticed, “Bagay sa’yo nakabraid. Ay.”
She likes you.
Her heart skipped a beat when you suddenly kissed her on the cheek.
She always loved the way you say, "For life?"
She was disappointed when you lied.
She bought the alibis and accepted your apology.
She got kilig when you said, “I hate you.”
She loves you.
She loved how you kissed her while she was in the middle of saying something.
She was disappointed when you forgot the birthday and even more irked when you denied it.
She was pissed when you forgot about the bookmark.
She was occasionally annoyed when you play a loooooot.
She likes it when you update her.
She likes it when you ask her out. And like it even more when you make reklamo she doesn’t do the same.
She’s happy whenever you ask her how her day was.
She got kilig when you asked for a copy of the Korean drama.
She finds it cute when you’re inis and nakasimangot.
She’s weird but you’re crazy.
She loves it when you cook. Kilig. But, hello carcinogens!
She misses you.
She likes it when you hugggg.
She liked how you held her hands.
She finds it cute whenever you ask to run at the intersection or jump on stairs.
She's disappointed whenever you deny.
She likes it when you talk about basketball.
She liked it when you said, “Headroom?” upon seeing her food porn photo.
Although she doesn’t fall for your gulat tricks, she likes how you attempt to scare her.
She’s impatient but she learned how to wait.
She’s been meaning to ask things but your look always interferes.
She always overthinks.
She’s sad because you’ve changed.
She hugged you and took a very deeeeeeeeeeep breath.
Then she let you go.
Sunday, September 21, 2014
Siklo
Tipikal na Lunes ng umaga. Naligo, hinintay na matuyo ang buhok, nag-ayos. May lakad, pero hindi pa sigurado kung saan tutungo. Pagkabihis, konting sipat pa sa salamin at ayos na. Lumabas ng bahay at tumingin-tingin sa kalangitan, mukhang uulan kaya dali-daling naglakad patungo sa 'di pa malinaw na ruta. Nang medyo nakalalayo na'y isa-isa nang pumatak ang mga sinulid na gawa sa tubig. Kaya pa, kaunting bilis ng lakad lang. Pero tila hindi kaya ng mabilisan, isang bagsak ng nanggagalaiting ulan ang humarang. Lingon sa kaliwa, lingon sa kanan, sa harap, sa likod at sa kung saan pa pwedeng lumingon, ngunit walang matanaw na masisilungan. May puno! 'Yon, baka pwede roon. Takbo! Subalit kahit ang puno'y nagsabing pasensya na't 'di siya makakatulong. Ang tuyong buhok noong una'y parang bagong ligo muli. Sumisingaw ang pabangong kanina'y isinaboy bago umalis. Unti-unti na ring naglalaho ang lotion na ipinahid sa balat kanina. Tagos sa balat ang lamig, animo'y nakailang buhos muli ng baldeng panligo. Wala ni isang taong dumaraan. Ulan. Ulan. Ulan, buhos pa. Mga paa'y nanginginig na sa lamig, bagong sapatos ay pinasok na rin ng tubig. Hinaplos ang basang mukha, luha ba 'to o ulan? Sabay tingala sa langit...tama na po. Tama na po, babalik na po.
Thursday, September 4, 2014
Friday, August 29, 2014
Saturday, August 23, 2014
Whiskey-like
He's been into series of c'mon-let's-move-on talk to self lately.
Maybe he's convincing, if not forcing, himself to forget and let go things.
But, facing the mirror now tells him goddamn honestly, that it's fucking hard to do that.
And it takes his breath away in between seconds just thinking about it.
He cries. He cries every night.
The pain. The pain is still there; he thought it's a scar already.
But no. He can still feel the freshness of it...the dredge causing the intolerable pain.
He can forgive anyone but he can't and won't forget every detail of what happened.
I wish I could help him.
Maybe he's convincing, if not forcing, himself to forget and let go things.
But, facing the mirror now tells him goddamn honestly, that it's fucking hard to do that.
And it takes his breath away in between seconds just thinking about it.
He cries. He cries every night.
The pain. The pain is still there; he thought it's a scar already.
But no. He can still feel the freshness of it...the dredge causing the intolerable pain.
He can forgive anyone but he can't and won't forget every detail of what happened.
I wish I could help him.
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Pareng Paolo (Coelho)
More than a month ago I bought a Paolo Coelho book, Aleph. But after buying it, I hardly flip a page when many not-so-fortunate events happened to me (in my life, actually). Then I got so preoccupied this last week of July that I got to see the book on my table as if it was there centuries ago, as if it called me saying, "Hey! Maybe I can help you!"
Like some of the other books of Coelho that I have already read (The Alchemist, The Zahir, The Devil Miss Prym, The Valkyries), it was one of his journeys of self-rediscovery, past, present, and love. In his search for the answers to his unending questions to J., he travelled across Russia through Trans-Siberian Railway. Here, he went back to his past again, found love, solve mysteries and most of all found himself again. And this was because of a 21-year old Turkish violinist named Hilal.
The first three chapters of the book tell how they met. And the article/blog below written by Coelho, which caught me so deep, feels to me like so timely. This was Hilal's ticket to meeting Coelho. Read on. :)
A man called Ali is in need of money and asks his boss to help him. His boss sets him a challenge: if he can spend all night on the top of a mountain, he will receive a great reward; if he fails, he will have to work for free.
When he left the shop, Ali noticed that an icy wind was blowing. He felt afraid and decided to ask his best friend, Aydi, if he thought he was mad to accept the wager. After considering the matter for a moment, Aydi answered, "Don't worry, I'll help you. Tomorrow night, when you're sitting on top of the mountain, look straight ahead. I'll be on the top of the mountain opposite, where I'll keep a fire burning all night for you. Look at the fire and think our friendship, and that will keep you warm. You'll make it through the night, and afterward, I'll ask you something in return."
Ali won the wager, got the money, and went to his friend's house.
"You said you wanted some sort of payment in return."
Aydi said, "Yes, but it isn't money. Promise that if ever a cold wind blows through my life, you will light the fire of friendship for me."
A story of friendship. I was touched by it. I hold a lot of importance to friendship, like any other relationships I have now.
This was not the very highlight of the story for Aleph means, as per book, the point at which everything in the same place at the same time. This article merely sparked the beginning of Coelho's another inspiring time-travel life journey.
xxx
Like some of the other books of Coelho that I have already read (The Alchemist, The Zahir, The Devil Miss Prym, The Valkyries), it was one of his journeys of self-rediscovery, past, present, and love. In his search for the answers to his unending questions to J., he travelled across Russia through Trans-Siberian Railway. Here, he went back to his past again, found love, solve mysteries and most of all found himself again. And this was because of a 21-year old Turkish violinist named Hilal.
The first three chapters of the book tell how they met. And the article/blog below written by Coelho, which caught me so deep, feels to me like so timely. This was Hilal's ticket to meeting Coelho. Read on. :)
A man called Ali is in need of money and asks his boss to help him. His boss sets him a challenge: if he can spend all night on the top of a mountain, he will receive a great reward; if he fails, he will have to work for free.
When he left the shop, Ali noticed that an icy wind was blowing. He felt afraid and decided to ask his best friend, Aydi, if he thought he was mad to accept the wager. After considering the matter for a moment, Aydi answered, "Don't worry, I'll help you. Tomorrow night, when you're sitting on top of the mountain, look straight ahead. I'll be on the top of the mountain opposite, where I'll keep a fire burning all night for you. Look at the fire and think our friendship, and that will keep you warm. You'll make it through the night, and afterward, I'll ask you something in return."
Ali won the wager, got the money, and went to his friend's house.
"You said you wanted some sort of payment in return."
Aydi said, "Yes, but it isn't money. Promise that if ever a cold wind blows through my life, you will light the fire of friendship for me."
A story of friendship. I was touched by it. I hold a lot of importance to friendship, like any other relationships I have now.
This was not the very highlight of the story for Aleph means, as per book, the point at which everything in the same place at the same time. This article merely sparked the beginning of Coelho's another inspiring time-travel life journey.
xxx
Friday, July 25, 2014
Stage 4 of (Not) Losing: Moving On
Well, it's hard to move on. Kahit saan at anong banda naman ng pagmo-move mahirap.
Isang buwan nq akong pabalik-balik sa lugar na aking kinagisnan, umaasang kahit papaano makakalimutan ang mga nangyari...siyempre makapagisip-isip na rin at magpatawad. Pero mahirap, sobrang hirap. 'Yong tipong paulit-ulit pa rin sumasagi sa isip ko ang mga katanungang, "Bakit kailangan mangyari 'to?", "Bakit kaya nagawa niya pa rin 'yon?". Hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa rin maintindihan ang kasagutan, pero pinipilit kong intindihin.
Noong una wala lang sa akin ang pakikipagkaibigan niya sa iba, wala naman talagang masama roon. Pero baka tama rin na ginawa niya 'yon kasi baka alam na niya na mangyayari ang mga ito. Sa ngayon, unti-unti ko rin narerealize na kaya baka niya rin ginagawa ang mga bagay na ginagawa niya ngayon para maka-move on. Pero bakit apektado pa rin ako nito? Kung sana hindi ko na lang nakikita at naririnig ang mga bagay-bagay.
Gayunpaman, masaya naman ako para sa kanya, at least may bago na siyang mga kaibigan. Sana lang this time alagaan na niya ang mga ito.
Hindi ako deserving na magkaganito at hindi ko deserve na masaktan ng ganito. Unti-unti, step by step kumbaga, matututuhan ko ring magpatawad. Sana ikaw rin.
Kahit malabo, pangarap ko pa ring dumating ang araw na makakapag-usap tayo at magtatawanan ng wagas. At siyempre, sana mabuo pa rin tayo.
Alam kong baka ngayon nababasa niya na rin ito. Alam ko magtataka na naman siya bakit may ganito na namang kadramahan. On that note, nakasakay kasi ako sa bus at umuulan sa labas...sarap lang mag-emote. :) 'Wag kang mag-alala parte rin 'to ng pagmomove on ko kaya, let me do this.
7/25/14
17:24
Isang buwan nq akong pabalik-balik sa lugar na aking kinagisnan, umaasang kahit papaano makakalimutan ang mga nangyari...siyempre makapagisip-isip na rin at magpatawad. Pero mahirap, sobrang hirap. 'Yong tipong paulit-ulit pa rin sumasagi sa isip ko ang mga katanungang, "Bakit kailangan mangyari 'to?", "Bakit kaya nagawa niya pa rin 'yon?". Hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa rin maintindihan ang kasagutan, pero pinipilit kong intindihin.
Noong una wala lang sa akin ang pakikipagkaibigan niya sa iba, wala naman talagang masama roon. Pero baka tama rin na ginawa niya 'yon kasi baka alam na niya na mangyayari ang mga ito. Sa ngayon, unti-unti ko rin narerealize na kaya baka niya rin ginagawa ang mga bagay na ginagawa niya ngayon para maka-move on. Pero bakit apektado pa rin ako nito? Kung sana hindi ko na lang nakikita at naririnig ang mga bagay-bagay.
Gayunpaman, masaya naman ako para sa kanya, at least may bago na siyang mga kaibigan. Sana lang this time alagaan na niya ang mga ito.
Hindi ako deserving na magkaganito at hindi ko deserve na masaktan ng ganito. Unti-unti, step by step kumbaga, matututuhan ko ring magpatawad. Sana ikaw rin.
Kahit malabo, pangarap ko pa ring dumating ang araw na makakapag-usap tayo at magtatawanan ng wagas. At siyempre, sana mabuo pa rin tayo.
Alam kong baka ngayon nababasa niya na rin ito. Alam ko magtataka na naman siya bakit may ganito na namang kadramahan. On that note, nakasakay kasi ako sa bus at umuulan sa labas...sarap lang mag-emote. :) 'Wag kang mag-alala parte rin 'to ng pagmomove on ko kaya, let me do this.
7/25/14
17:24
Monday, July 7, 2014
Missing Mom
Because
she hasn't come home for two weeks now, we all miss her. :(
I
was brushing my teeth one morning when mom jested, “Mag-asawa ka na lang kaya?”
I
gave her my “Like-duh!” look and said, “Ma, mag-boyfriend siguro muna ako?”
Mom
has been very intrusive of my love life lately. Well, she’s always like that naman but recently, may extra effort!
Last
time, she obliged me to “meet” her friend’s son. He was, um, okay. She even gives
out my number to her close amigas. In
short, ibinebenta na ako ng nanay ko.
*Sigh* And whenever I mention meeting former “suitors” who are mostly my
friends now, she gets excited. Especially about L. Actually, she never really liked
him dahil hindi raw sya nagmamano kapag
bumibisita sa bahay! Pero may pasalubong naman! :p
To
be fair, he was really smart, thoughtful, and we get along well. He even listened
to Boyfriend, SuJu, Loveholic, etc. and watched Kdramas so he can relate to my
Hallyu addiction. Now we both think Jang Dong Gun is undeniably hot. :p Kaya lang hindi naging kami e.
Mom
also unearths past letters and gifts. Whatda. She likes to make pakialam stuff in my closet. One time she brought up my college
crush, Sta. Fina. I was like, “Tagal na nun, Ma. Friends lang kami.” “Showbiz!”
she blurted.
“E
yung nagbigay sayo ng portrait? Kamusta sya?”
“Baka
naman may boyfriend ka na ayaw mo lang ipakilala?”
“Gusto mo ba ng Engineer? Architect kaya?”
I-apply
ko kaya sa TMZ ang mom? Or match making?
Her
interrogation takes centuries to stop. Maybe because she’s remarrying
this year. Shit. Remarry. I guess she wants to meet the awesome guy soon. Too bad the awesome
guy hasn't arrived yet.
Anyhow,
despite all her effort and schemes, mom still reminds me to only give my 50% in
love. But I guess I’m beyond that now.
Joy Division
Park
“Eleanor was right. She never looked nice. She looked like
art, and art wasn’t supposed to make you feel nice; it was supposed to make you
feel something.”
“Nothing before you counts,” he said. “And I can’t even
imagine an after.”
Eleanor
“I never said I loved you,” she thought.
How he filled her heart with love was surreal. And how she nearly
destroyed his was rather unforeseen. Then the post card came with just three
words long.
Love will tear us apart…again.
Monday, June 30, 2014
Stage 3 of Losing: Not Losing
PART 1: Sweet Breakup
(Karugtong ng Stage 1)
You were my ever dream.
Thankfully, I somehow lived that dream.
The latest four years of my life were not wasted, I could say.
You molded me as a human, as a professional...others would say.
I've gained more friends, build more friendships and other relationships for real.
I couldn't ask for more, more than any meal.
I have grown to where and what I am now.
I have seen the worst and the best of you anyhow.
I have loved you and I loved myself more.
I have laughed and cried with you...rant more!
I was lost, found myself and lost again.
I come up, found myself again.
Thought of unloving you but just got tired.
Never unlove though, you're the one desired.
It hurt but I already accepted it.
Nothing lasts forever, there's not a thing can beat it.
Not one-sided love, a mutual decision instead.
A sweet breakup, though I have no boyfriend yet.
But I'm not a loser...I won.
I won friends, I won knowledge, I won experience, I won lessons...I won.
I'll treasure you as I treasure the people who surrounded me during the stay and as I treasure my own life.♥
PART 2: No denial
(Karugtong ng Stage 2)
I, myself, was a victim.
I thought I cannot survive from the drown, I forgot I can swim.
And now that I am at the surface of the present.
No time for resentment.
I couldn't deny, I had fallen.
However, I have awaken.
It was just a dream, a beautiful dream.
I am no lionhearted.
But I don't care anymore about it.
I have guarded us.
That's what a friend does.
Kept it as much as possible.
Woke up from the wake up call.
Enough!
Though it was tough.
Misinterpreted gestures of my own.
Ignore what was shown.
I love myself more now.
I couldn't thank you more. Bow.
Thank you for everything. I am looking forward to get back the friendship we had. But first, think of yourself, too. Look into yourself what's missing. Realize what you don't have that, we, your friends have for you. Treasure your friends dear. ♥
XXX
(Karugtong ng Stage 1)
You were my ever dream.
Thankfully, I somehow lived that dream.
The latest four years of my life were not wasted, I could say.
You molded me as a human, as a professional...others would say.
I've gained more friends, build more friendships and other relationships for real.
I couldn't ask for more, more than any meal.
I have grown to where and what I am now.
I have seen the worst and the best of you anyhow.
I have loved you and I loved myself more.
I have laughed and cried with you...rant more!
I was lost, found myself and lost again.
I come up, found myself again.
Thought of unloving you but just got tired.
Never unlove though, you're the one desired.
It hurt but I already accepted it.
Nothing lasts forever, there's not a thing can beat it.
Not one-sided love, a mutual decision instead.
A sweet breakup, though I have no boyfriend yet.
But I'm not a loser...I won.
I won friends, I won knowledge, I won experience, I won lessons...I won.
I'll treasure you as I treasure the people who surrounded me during the stay and as I treasure my own life.♥
PART 2: No denial
(Karugtong ng Stage 2)
I, myself, was a victim.
I thought I cannot survive from the drown, I forgot I can swim.
And now that I am at the surface of the present.
No time for resentment.
I couldn't deny, I had fallen.
However, I have awaken.
It was just a dream, a beautiful dream.
I am no lionhearted.
But I don't care anymore about it.
I have guarded us.
That's what a friend does.
Kept it as much as possible.
Woke up from the wake up call.
Enough!
Though it was tough.
Misinterpreted gestures of my own.
Ignore what was shown.
I love myself more now.
I couldn't thank you more. Bow.
Thank you for everything. I am looking forward to get back the friendship we had. But first, think of yourself, too. Look into yourself what's missing. Realize what you don't have that, we, your friends have for you. Treasure your friends dear. ♥
XXX
Friday, June 13, 2014
Stage 2 of Losing
Close to Acceptance
(after almost a month of posting Stage 1 of Losing)
What if we didn't meet?
What if we were never friends?
What if you didn't call me when you were drunk that night?
What if I didn't rush to pick you up?
What if you were not that drunk?
What if you didn't say, "Hold my hand, don't let go."
What if I didn't hold it and I let it go?
What if you didn't hug me when we slept?
What if I didn't hug you back?
What if I didn't give meaning to it?
What if I didn't feel this?
What if you also feel this?
What if I can't hold it back?
What if...what if...
What if this isn't just a dream?
(after almost a month of posting Stage 1 of Losing)
What if we didn't meet?
What if we were never friends?
What if you didn't call me when you were drunk that night?
What if I didn't rush to pick you up?
What if you were not that drunk?
What if you didn't say, "Hold my hand, don't let go."
What if I didn't hold it and I let it go?
What if you didn't hug me when we slept?
What if I didn't hug you back?
What if I didn't give meaning to it?
What if I didn't feel this?
What if you also feel this?
What if I can't hold it back?
What if...what if...
What if this isn't just a dream?
Saturday, June 7, 2014
Writing after a long time of hibernation: random things about gettin' old
1. I am numb. And I am not sure if this, already, is freedom.
2. I'll be 29 next month. I feel old. And cold. Oblivious of the youthful feeling of, as society puts it, "falling in love."
3. In the process, I have lost a great amount of humor. There are things and people that no longer make me laugh easily.
4. Pretty much, life has become a routine. And sometimes, a meaningless rat race in the work place.
5. But I can no longer rant like as if it's still quarter life crisis. Now I would easily get back to my senses and realize I need to keep my job because I need the cash to pay my mortgage.
6. You kinda hate it, too, that as you grow old, your opinion in various spheres like family and work place now actually matters. You feel burdened by the responsibility it entails.
7. I still hate the government. And political crocs.
8. One day I'd wear a black shirt that says, "freedom of religion and freedom from religion for all."
9. The raging hormones are gone. Sex is one of the least important things.
10. And I realized I am better off single. That committing to be in a relationship being the complex person that I am would spell enough trouble.
Yes, trouble.
2. I'll be 29 next month. I feel old. And cold. Oblivious of the youthful feeling of, as society puts it, "falling in love."
3. In the process, I have lost a great amount of humor. There are things and people that no longer make me laugh easily.
4. Pretty much, life has become a routine. And sometimes, a meaningless rat race in the work place.
5. But I can no longer rant like as if it's still quarter life crisis. Now I would easily get back to my senses and realize I need to keep my job because I need the cash to pay my mortgage.
6. You kinda hate it, too, that as you grow old, your opinion in various spheres like family and work place now actually matters. You feel burdened by the responsibility it entails.
7. I still hate the government. And political crocs.
8. One day I'd wear a black shirt that says, "freedom of religion and freedom from religion for all."
9. The raging hormones are gone. Sex is one of the least important things.
10. And I realized I am better off single. That committing to be in a relationship being the complex person that I am would spell enough trouble.
Yes, trouble.
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Stage 1 of Losing
I don't wanna lose it but I think I'm goddamn losing it.
I still wanna fight for it but I guess faith is not enough as to fate.
I have lived the dream and still living it, but maybe God is telling me, "You're living it wrong kiddo. So, wake up and waggle."
"Have to fight 'til the end, that's what I gotta do," says the bubble.
But, if enough is enough...what is enough?!
This life's so unpredictable and undeniably tough!
Gotta move and do something to prove them wrong and to make myself be me again.
Never accepted things to myself, ignored them again and again.
Now is the time to swallow everything in with no pretense.
Moving on is difficult, I know, but atleast I tried to do what I can do before a new commence.
I still wanna fight for it but I guess faith is not enough as to fate.
I have lived the dream and still living it, but maybe God is telling me, "You're living it wrong kiddo. So, wake up and waggle."
"Have to fight 'til the end, that's what I gotta do," says the bubble.
But, if enough is enough...what is enough?!
This life's so unpredictable and undeniably tough!
Gotta move and do something to prove them wrong and to make myself be me again.
Never accepted things to myself, ignored them again and again.
Now is the time to swallow everything in with no pretense.
Moving on is difficult, I know, but atleast I tried to do what I can do before a new commence.
Thursday, March 20, 2014
First Entry for March 2014
Obviously, all of us are busy with our lives now, wala na masyadong pumapansin sa blogsite natin. Or pwede namang, karamihan eh nahanap na ang kaligayahan sa buhay nila na hindi na nila ito kailangan. Mabuti kung ganun nga! Cheers!
Pero pwede rin namang ang iba ay nais na lang ding sarilinin ang pinagdadaanan. Ang iba, nawala sa isip na may blogsite pa pala tayong ganito, tulad ko. Na pwede pa rin itong maging sandalan ng mga walang makausap at umaasang sa mga susunod na araw ay may susunod ulit na magbubukas ng kanyang sarili. Since hindi ako makatulog naalala ko na naman to. Hehe. Ang naging sandalan ko nung lugmok ako. And hey, bad news, lugmok ulit ako. Haha! Consistent ako diba?
I am battling with myself for the past nine months since a guy left me. How bad it feels to be dumped by someone whom you thought will be your partner for the rest of your life. Gaga lang to think that way. Some people aren't meant to be together at malas, dalawa kami dun.
I realized he is not the person I thought he is. Thank you Lord for saving me from that person. But still i really wish him all the blessings and happiness in the world. After all we were friends before.
As I grow older, mas naghahanap ako ng real happiness. Mas gusto ko yung may silbi ako sa mundo more than may silbi ako sa iisang tao lang. Pero hanggang ngayon di ko pa rin mahanap ang real happiness na yun. Nawawala na ang self-worth.
Now, I am afraid of losing myself. I truly am.
Pero pwede rin namang ang iba ay nais na lang ding sarilinin ang pinagdadaanan. Ang iba, nawala sa isip na may blogsite pa pala tayong ganito, tulad ko. Na pwede pa rin itong maging sandalan ng mga walang makausap at umaasang sa mga susunod na araw ay may susunod ulit na magbubukas ng kanyang sarili. Since hindi ako makatulog naalala ko na naman to. Hehe. Ang naging sandalan ko nung lugmok ako. And hey, bad news, lugmok ulit ako. Haha! Consistent ako diba?
I am battling with myself for the past nine months since a guy left me. How bad it feels to be dumped by someone whom you thought will be your partner for the rest of your life. Gaga lang to think that way. Some people aren't meant to be together at malas, dalawa kami dun.
I realized he is not the person I thought he is. Thank you Lord for saving me from that person. But still i really wish him all the blessings and happiness in the world. After all we were friends before.
As I grow older, mas naghahanap ako ng real happiness. Mas gusto ko yung may silbi ako sa mundo more than may silbi ako sa iisang tao lang. Pero hanggang ngayon di ko pa rin mahanap ang real happiness na yun. Nawawala na ang self-worth.
Now, I am afraid of losing myself. I truly am.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Step Out
I just can't get over this song for weeks now.
A soundtrack from The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. And this video from someone.
Heart's on fire in the warming rain
Stake through every heart stop in the mood
Being glad, breathing appetite
:)
A soundtrack from The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. And this video from someone.
Heart's on fire, leaving all behind you
Dark as night, let the lightning guide you
Dark as night, let the lightning guide you
STEP OUTSIDE, gonna step outside, I'm gonna step out
Heart's on fire in the warming rain
Living life feeding appetites
Stake through every heart stop in the mood
Being glad, breathing appetite
Heart's on fire, leaving all behind you
Dark as night, let the lightning guide you
Dark as night, let the lightning guide you
STEP OUTSIDE, gonna step outside, I'm gonna step out
Broke tooth one day, something's not the same
Blank head, 'cuz I sweep the floor
Feel your presence in your absence, shut the door
Blank head, 'cuz I sweep the floor
Feel your presence in your absence, shut the door
Heart's on fire, leaving all behind you
Dark as night, let the lightning guide you
Dark as night, let the lightning guide you
GONNA STEP OUTSIDE.
Friday, February 14, 2014
For the one who broke my heart on this day 9 years ago:
I remember being miserable on this exact day almost a decade ago, 9 years to be exact. When you first left me.
So much have changed, we moved on a lot. But some remained, including us being friends.
But up until last month, before things got worse, I decided, its not healthy for me that we remain like this.
I tried to be always there for you for the past years, tried to make you happy in some ridiculous way by being somewhat there for you, giving myself to you even partly because I thought that could, even a little, make you happy. Even though what you wanted back then was the whole of me. I couldn't. Even though all through those years I asked God if indeed you were the one, there were always factors that kept us apart.
I thought, its so unfair how I always put my current relationship on the line just for you. Just to make you happy.
Then she came along. And even though deep in my heart I could feel you can't love her as you have loved me, you're love for her was different. You were so careful with her. You cared for her. You thought about her. Like I didn't for the past guys I've been with.
So I realized, even though I have been with many men after you, and you only had her after me, after 9 years, I was the one who couldn't move on.
I was still in the past, thinking I was still the only one you could see, you love.
Its not that I didn't think this day would come.
But then this happened.
You're going to be a father. And how lucky she will be to have you as the father of her child.
I thought it was okay to lose you for someone...because I thought it could only be for a while, a phase. But hey, you moved too fast. And now, you're in the land of no return.
How I want to be your friend, to support you on this difficult part of your life. Because I know you'll need someone to talk to. But I can no longer be that person for you. I'm sorry. Soon, there will no longer be that awkward place I occupy in your life, in your heart. So I should leave. Now.
We can't count how many times we tried to say goodbye, but I think, this seals it all for us.
I must say goodbye. For the last time.
And leave you be.
I wish you happiness and blessings. Its too bad we couldn't meet for this. But maybe its for the better. Its for the better too, that you could no longer read the letter I wrote for you exactly 9 years ago.
I always think, if God would bless an unmarried couple a baby, they were meant to be.
And that day you told me, I knew we weren't.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)