Stage 3 of Losing: Not Losing

PART 1: Sweet Breakup
(Karugtong ng Stage 1)

You were my ever dream.
Thankfully, I somehow lived that dream.
The latest four years of my life were not wasted, I could say.
You molded me as a human, as a professional...others would say.
I've gained more friends, build more friendships and other relationships for real.
I couldn't ask for more, more than any meal.
I have grown to where and what I am now.
I have seen the worst and the best of you anyhow.
I have loved you and I loved myself more.
I have laughed and cried with you...rant more!
I was lost, found myself and lost again.
I come up, found myself again.
Thought of unloving you but just got tired.
Never unlove though, you're the one desired.
It hurt but I already accepted it.
Nothing lasts forever, there's not a thing can beat it.
Not one-sided love, a mutual decision instead.
A sweet breakup, though I have no boyfriend yet.
But I'm not a loser...I won.
I won friends, I won knowledge, I won experience, I won lessons...I won.

I'll treasure you as I treasure the people who surrounded me during the stay and as I treasure my own life.♥

PART 2: No denial
(Karugtong ng Stage 2)

I, myself, was a victim.
I thought I cannot survive from the drown, I forgot I can swim.
And now that I am at the surface of the present.
No time for resentment.
I couldn't deny, I had fallen.
However, I have awaken.
It was just a dream, a beautiful dream.
I am no lionhearted.
But I don't care anymore about it.
I have guarded us.
That's what a friend does.
Kept it as much as possible.
Woke up from the wake up call.
Enough!
Though it was tough.
Misinterpreted gestures of my own.
Ignore what was shown.
I love myself more now.
I couldn't thank you more. Bow.

Thank you for everything. I am looking forward to get back the friendship we had. But first, think of yourself, too. Look into yourself what's missing. Realize what you don't have that, we, your friends have for you. Treasure your friends dear. ♥

XXX

Stage 2 of Losing

Close to Acceptance
(after almost a month of posting Stage 1 of Losing)

What if we didn't meet?
What if we were never friends?
What if you didn't call me when you were drunk that night?
What if I didn't rush to pick you up?
What if you were not that drunk?
What if you didn't say, "Hold my hand, don't let go."
What if I didn't hold it and I let it go?
What if you didn't hug me when we slept?
What if I didn't hug you back?
What if I didn't give meaning to it?
What if I didn't feel this?
What if you also feel this?
What if I can't hold it back?

What if...what if...

What if this isn't just a dream?

Writing after a long time of hibernation: random things about gettin' old

1. I am numb. And I am not sure if this, already, is freedom.

2. I'll be 29 next month. I feel old. And cold. Oblivious of the youthful feeling of, as society puts it, "falling in love."

3. In the process, I have lost a great amount of humor. There are things and people that no longer make me laugh easily.

4. Pretty much, life has become a routine. And sometimes, a meaningless rat race in the work place.

5. But I can no longer rant like as if it's still quarter life crisis. Now I would easily get back to my senses and realize I need to keep my job because I need the cash to pay my mortgage.

6. You kinda hate it, too, that as you grow old, your opinion in various spheres like family and work place now actually matters. You feel burdened by the responsibility it entails.

7. I still hate the government. And political crocs.

8. One day I'd wear a black shirt that says, "freedom of religion and freedom from religion for all."

9. The raging hormones are gone. Sex is one of the least important things.

10. And I realized I am better off single. That committing to be in a relationship being the complex person that I am would spell enough trouble.

Yes, trouble.