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For a few seconds, I was toying on the idea of creating a Facebook group or a like page for the Coping Club. But I realized, anonymity is the whole point of our club and our blog. We'd rather keep the mystery.

Catch me if you can (if you ever will)

The more I move farther away from you, the more you let me; the more I am convinced that you will never ever care because you never really did.

The world is an eyeball.

Maliit ang mundo. Kaya optical illusion lang ang teritoryo, kaharian, o kesehodang mundo na sinusubukan niyong itayo. Magkikita at magkikita tayo. Mata sa mata.

Unos sa Puso

Kahit mahangin at maulan lang dito sa kung nasaan man ako. Tila unos na tumama sa Mindanao ang nararamdaman ng aking puso.

Gagged

*sad face*

Whew! Kahit papaano at least nakapagdesisyon na ako. I stood up for what I "wanted" and gave it all an end (which is what I want to believe). Mga buwan bago pa man mag-Pasko, sinabihan ko na ang sarili ko na magiging masaya ako, kahit ano pa man ang mangyari. Dalawang Pasko na rin kasi ang lumipas na hindi busog (o mas mainam na salita ang salat) sa romantic love ang aking puso. I just think it would make a lot of difference, and I feel that's the only missing piece of my puzzle.

Ngayon, nagsisimula akong muli. Binibigyan ang sarili ng pagkakataon para bumangon mula sa malabuhawing tamis at pait ng nakilala kong kabiguan. Lakas ng loob ko ang pagnanais na matuto sa lahat ng nangyari sa pag-asang mas handa kong mahaharap ang bukas.

Gusto kong humingi ng tawad sa taong main character ng kabanata ng kwento ko ngayon dahil tinanggihan ko ang pagkakaibigang alok nya sa akin. Tumanggi ako dahil hindi ko kaya. I cannot be friends with someone who lied to my face. Meron ding unspoken lies. And those killed me. Ayaw ko ng kalakaran sa lahat ng kaganapan. Hirap na akong magtiwala pa. Magandang alok ang pagkakaibigan, kaya paumanhin sa pagtanggi. Sana iyon muna ang naisip nyang ialok bago ang lahat ng kalokohang sinabi nya sa akin. Ako pa naman si taong "go lang" noong araw.

Nagpapasalamat akong naisip n'yang magsorry, but it couldn't change all the facts. There are just so many underlying acts. I've said my goodbye. Kung marami man akong nasabi, sana iyon ang pinakamalinaw sa lahat.

I was over my 3rd broken-hearted Christmas. At kahit alam kong bigo na naman ako, hindi ako ganoon kalungkot. Natuto na akong pumiling maging masaya kahit may mga hindi kaaya-aya. It should be all about myself muna, kasi sabi nga sa trip kong music ♪♫I just haven't met you yet!♪♫

Paskong Kulang.

Matagal-tagal na ring hindi ko napapansin ang blog site na ito pero hindi ibig sabihing nakalimutan ko na. Masaya lang isipin na sa tuwing malungkot ako, tayo, ito ang ating takbuhan. Ito ang paraan para kahit papaano'y mailabas ang lahat ng sama ng loob. Hindi man siguro ito mababasa ng lahat pero at least mababasa to ng copers (copers talaga?).

Pag nagkakaedad na pala, hindi na masyadong nararamdaman ang pasko. Pero sa akin lang siguro applicable yun. Hehe. Magpapasko na pero hindi ko pa rin nararamdaman ang pakiramdam na tulad nung bata pa ako. Siguro'y sa regalo lang, feel na feel ko na dati na pasko na. Pero ngayon, parang laging merong kulang.

Anyway, hindi naman talaga ito tungkol sa pasko. Tungkol ito sa buhay pag-ibig (as usual). Meron kasing espesyal na tao sa akin na akala ko'y espesyal din ako sa kanya. Noong una alam kong tama ang akala ko pero habang tumatagal parang nawawala na siya. Unti-unti siyang naglalaho. Napaka-unpredictable ng kanyang ugali. Hindi ko matantya. Minsan masaya. Minsan konting asar lang, galit na agad. Hay.

Matatapos na ang taon. Sa totoo lang, ayoko nang umaasa. Pero kahit sinasabi kong lalayo na ako para di na rin ako masaktan, makita ko lang ang text niya, pinapatawad ko na agad. Pero aaminin ko. Pagod na pagod na ako. Feeling ko ako na lang lagi ang umiintindi. Minsan kailangan ko din na ako naman ang unawain. Sana mabasa niya to. At sana kung mabasa niya man, makapagdesisyon na siya. Baka kasi sa oras na nakapagdesisyon na siya, baka puno na ako. Ako naman ang tuluyan nang lalayo.

Hoy! Ikaw! Argggggh!

Pasko na

Tandang-tanda ko pa ang Pasko ko noong isang taon. Nasa gitna ako noon ng unos at nasa bungad ng maraming pagbabago sa aking buhay--mga malalaking desisyon na kailangang panindigan.

At ngayon, isang taon na naman ang nagdaan. Halos kalahating taon na rin ako rito sa malaking siyudad. Bukod sa subsob ako sa bagong trabaho, wala namang gaanong bago sa akin.

Dito sa malayo, muli kong nadiskubre ang aking sarili, nakapag-isip. Naging mas malinaw sa akin ang aking pinanggagalingan, sa tanaw mula sa malayo.

Masasabi kong mas mabait sa akin ang 2011. Hindi man ito naging lubos na masaya, nagpapasalamat ako sa Itaas sa mga biyayang dumating sa akin.

At itutuloy ko ito hanggang 2012, ang bagong simula.

By Chance (You and I)

Hi

Girl, you just caught my eye
thought I should give it a try
and get your name and your number
go grab some lunch and eat some cucumbers

Why, did I say that?
I don't know why.
But you're smilin' and it's something' I like
on your face, yeah it suits you
Girl, we connect like we have bluetooth

I don't know why
I'm drawn to you
Could you be the other one so we'd equal two?
And this is all based on a lucky chance
that you would rather add than subtract

You and I
could be like Sonny and Cher
honey and bears
You and I
could be like Aladdin and Jasmine
lets make it happen

La La La La La La La La

Hey
How've you been?
I know that it's been awhile.
Are you tired 'cause you've been on my mind
runnin' thousand and thousands of miles
Sorry, I know that line's outta style
but you, you look so beautiful on this starry night
loving the way the moonlight catches your eyes and your
smile
I'm captivated
your beauty is timeless never outdated

I don't know why
I'm drawn to you
Could you be the other one so we'd equal two?
and this is all based on a lucky chance
that you would rather add than subtract

You and I
could be like Sonny and Cher
Honey and bears
you and i could be like Aladdin and Jasmine lets make
it happen

La La La La La La La La

Babe
It's been 5 years since that special day
when I asked you on our first date
I guess it's safe to say

You and I
are better than Sonny and Cher
Honey and bears
You and I
Are better than Aladdin and Jasmine
We've made it happen

La La La La La La La La

Long Gone and Moved On

Nadaanan ko ang pooled blog na ito at napansin ko na may buhay na ulit ito.. Ibig sabihin exciting na ulit ang buhay pag-ibig ng bawat isa sa amin. Natanong ko tuloy sa sarili ko. May buhay pag-ibig nga ba ako? Madali lang yung sagot: WALA. =)

Halos mag iisang taon na din ang nakalipas nang baguhin ko ang status ko sa FB. From In a relationship to Single. Apat na taon halos steady ang ganun ko na status. Nakakapanibago pero ganito talaga ang buhay, madaming changes at kailangan kong makisabay sa mga pagbabagong ito.

Sa loob ng isang taon na ito ay rollercoaster ang takbo ng buhay ko. Andami na ding stages ng moving on ang pinagdaanan ko. One hundred stages na ata. haha. Basta hindi ko na mabilang. Una syempre yung feeling ko suicidal na ako. Gusto ko na lang mabangga ng bus para matapos na ang buhay at pghihirap ko. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko tatanggapin ang nangyari sa amin. Hindi ko alam kung paano magsisimula nang wala siya.

After nun, andami akong ginawang desisyon na sa tingin ko ay makakatulong sa akin para magheal. I tried a lot of different things. May mga nagustuhan ako, may iba naman na hindi ko na ipinagpatuloy. Sinubukan ko din na tuparin ang pangarap ko at sa awa ng Diyos ay tinatahak ko na ang landas na noon ay iniwasan ko.

May mga nakilala na din akong tao na tiningnan ko nang higit pa sa isang kaibigan. Masaya ang experience na may mga bago kang kinikilala na tao. Dumating nga ako sa punto na alam ko minahal ko na siya pero nagdesisyon na lang akong tumigil dahil ika nga complicated ang sitwasyon namin. Natatakot akong masaktan siya kapag ipinagpatuloy ko pa ang aking kagustuhan. It was a risk for me but I know that it will make things easier for us. Atleast tinuruan niya ako na magmahal ulit kahit gaano kabigat at kahirap ng pinagdaanan ko bago siya dumating. At dahil dun, hinding hindi ko siya makakalimutan. Siya ang nagbalik ng musika sa aking buhay.

Pero sa mga oras na ito, andito ako nakaupo sa aking desk. Walang magawa sa buhay kaya nagbblog. Wala akong masyadong inaalala. Masaya ako. Oo totoong masaya kahit walang special someone or kung ano man. Finally, bumalik na ulit ako sa dati kong kasiglahan at kakulitan. Hindi ko na kailangang iasa sa iba ang happiness ko cos I can find happiness sa madaming bagay sa buhay ko.

Sabi ko sa sarili ko, malapit na siguro ako sa moved on stage na yun. Konti na lang at ang lahat ng pahihirap ay magkakaroon na ng bunga. Sana strawberries or grapes. Syala.

Malapit na nga ata yung sinasabi ng The Script na Long Gone And Moved On at malay natin baka pati yung kinakanta ng Lady Antebellum na Ready to Love Again. Let's see =)

Testing muna, excited ka!

Minsan kapag sawa ka na sa buhay mong walang pagbabago, aaliwin ka ng mundo.

Alam ng mundo ang kailangan mo, kasi kay tagal mo nang hiniling ito.

Kaya paggising mo, may katabi ka nang pag-ibig.

Handang ibigay ang lahat ng gusto mo, at alagaan ang nangangamba mong puso.

Siyempre, naniwala ka naman. This is it!

Sa takot mong mawala pa s'ya, masyado kang nag-alala.

Teka, ganun ka naman talaga maalalahanin.

Pero yun na nga, napansin mo na lang sa bawat linggong lumilipas humuhupa ang apoy ng pagmamahal na dati'y damang-dama ng buo mong pagkatao.

Hinanap-hanap mo na ito, hanggang sa ang pinakilala sa'yo ng mundo ay unti-unti na palang lumalayo sa'yo... hanggang sa wala na. Gone too soon, kumbaga.

Akala mo, yun na talaga. Yun pala sabi ng mundo sayo, "testing muna, excited ka!"

magic

Nawala na siguro ang magic kaya di ka na nagpaparamdam. I miss you :(

Catch Me

It's time to turn SHOULDs to MUSTs.

Catch me. Hold me tight, I'm holding on. Never leave me. Forever.

Dumating na Siya

JOKE ONLY =) hahahaa

Good Life

"I love you but I don't like you anymore." - Emma on Dexter

BPU

BUBBLE GANG >> Some of Boy Pick Up's Pick up lines, weird-but-lol lines:

BPU: Camera ka ba?
Neneng Bakit: Bakit?!
BPU: Kasi traffic sa edsa

BPU: Yelo ka ba?
NB: Bakit?
BPU: Kasi namatay yung ilaw!

Boy Pick-up: Hinde ikaw yung tipong sinasaktan
Girl: Bakit
Boy Pick-Up: Kasi…Matamis ang champorado

BPU: Namimiss kita.
NB: Bakit?
BPU: Thank you.

BPU: sana umulan bukas.
NB: Bkit?
BPU: para mahanap ko ang nawawalang sapatos ko!
NB: Bkit?
BPU: kasi mahirap balatan ang kamatis!

Terrified

Alam kong magkakasala ako sa bagay na ito. Titigilan ko na. Alam kong hindi rin ako magiging masaya sa bandang huli.

Point is...

Ang sakit naman maikumpara sa isang taong alam mong mas angat naman talaga sa'yo at iba sa'yo.

Aminado naman talaga akong mas magaling siya, mas matagal na siya sa trabaho, mas may guts siya at masasabi kong gamay na niya halos lahat ng side ng trabahong ito. Ang masakit lang, kailangan pa talagang ipamukha at iparinig sa lahat na mas may maganda sanang output kung siya ang gumawa?

Wala akong hinanakit o ano man... Ang sa akin lang, matuto ka naman sanang pahalagahan kung anumang effort ang ginagawa ng ibang tao para sa'yo. Tuldok.

*sigh

All is well, sana...

Nakakatawa at nakakatuwang isipin na nagawa kong tumakbo, humangos at makiusap sa gwardiya sa sarado nang booking office ng isang airline company na ako'y papasukin dahil may ihahabol akong flight booking na naipabook ko na't lahat pero dahil sa weird at kakaibang mga pangyayari na saklaw na yata sa linggo-linggo kong trabaho, kailangan kong mamroblema at mawindang...na kung tutuusin, di naman talaga kailangan humantong pa sa ganoong sitwasyon.

Pero anu't ano pa man, tapos na..nangyari na. All is well..sana nga, dahil Lunes bukas, JUDGMENT day.

*sigh

okey. okey

Gagged!

Ako na naman

Hindi lang kayo ang tao sa mundo para palagi na lang i-consider. Napakanipis nga siguro ngayon ng pagitan ng pagiging MAGKAKAIBIGAN at MAGKAKATRABAHO. Pero hindi sa lahat ng oras kayo lang ang dapat masunod o kung hindi man ay dapat pakinggan. Maraming dapat pagtuonan ng pansin at panahon. Hangga't maari isantabi muna natin ang mga insecurities natin sa buhay.

Nakakairita lang,

...but I'm coping.

sunset

Kasabay ng paglubog ng araw ang kagustuhan kong limutin ka. Masasaktan lang natin ang isa't isa..

The Second Voice

The reasons why I ever wanted to go to videoke house with my colleagues were to enjoy their company and to sing with them as well.

I'm not that confident with my singing capacity that I feel so dumb when it's my turn to sing a song I chose to. Whenever I get to touch and hold the microphone to start singing, my voice starts to tremble and in the end I just pass it to someone to continue the singing.

One time, I really wanted to conquer that some kinda mess-with-the-mic. Since there were two microphones in that videoke room, I got the other one and acted like a second voice of one of my colleagues who's really a good singer. Then, they were really shocked when (not looking at them, I was shy) they heard of me singing as the second voice, and the scene was like they were looking at me then clapped their hands and shouted. They also gave me a standing ovation. In my struck, I blushed and covered my face and released the mic off me. I was very shy when I heard them saying that I was the best second voice singer.

Second voice singer..hmmm..

Grabe. ang bilis bilis na ng oras, nilalamon na tayo ng trabaho natin. hehe. to my co-coper, Andrew. 

Alam ko late na late na. dapat nung July 3 pa e. kaso yun nga, di na namalayan ang oras. pero kunwari July 3 parin. HAPPY 40TH BIRTHDAAAAYY!!! hahaha. goodluck sa career mo! alam ko sobrang busy ka na rin. goodluck din sa lovelife at coping life (applicable pa ba to? sana hindi na. :p) sana di mo naman nakalimutan birthday mo. hahaha. ingat kung asan ka man ngayon. buhayin mo na kasi Facebook mo! wala tuloy updates. basta wag ka nang mag-aadik. :3 siguro late mo na rin to makikita. okay lang. basta ayun, goodluck goodluck talaga! miss ko na rin magbasa ng sinulat mo dito o kung saan pa man. ingat Andrew! :)

where are you now??

i miss my human mp3 :(

Of Gloomy Weather, Mushy Songs, and a Baffled Mind

There are times when you're feeling down and all you want to do is to show how hurt you are, or scream your lungs out just to tell them how frustrating your life is. Admit it, it's like fishing for someone's attention and expecting them to feel the same ache you're having. It's like showing them your raw, bleeding, and broken heart. I, for one, am doing the same thing right now. Sad isn't? That we choose to show them the weakest state of ourselves and allowing them to wallow in our defeat. Maybe it's one of the coping mechanisms that we are used in doing when we're in the lowest low of our lives. I know, I know, I'm sounding like the girl with a slashed wrist, one-sided bangs, and with eyes lined heavily by a black pencil. Well, right now my hair's up in a ponytail, instead of cuts my wrists have mosquito bites, and it's not eyeliner but eyebags.

SOS.

P.S. Save thy soul.


Of Gloomy Weather, Mushy Songs, and a Baffled Mind (and a broken heart)

Paumanhin

Tatlong magkakasunod na po yata ang nai-post ko na blog (pang-apat na 'to?). Pasensya na po at magkakasunod sila. Bugso lang ng po damdaming naghahangad na makayanan ang mga nangyayari sa buhay-buhay.

Salamat!

Stop, Look and Watch

I really don't know why this is happening. Maybe it's partly my fault, yeah, partly. I'm not saying that I'm washing my hands out of something, but it's just that I can't find one that can satisfy your standards. Are we playing tagu-taguan here? Let's accept it, there are really times that we are experiencing drought. They do not want to be seen nor to be discovered.

Honestly, I'm having difficulty dealing with this one. I cannot see myself begging for your forgiveness because I'm actually expecting for your judgment. Should I prepare myself for it? Oh no!

Anyhow, I'm trying and doing my best to eventually settle and fix things. I just wish, no, I hope the next few hours would be my time. I hope and I pray. Let's just pray.

Behind the RAIN...Is that you?

Lunes. Holiday. Walang pasok...sila na ang walang pasok dahil ako, meron.

Maulan pa rin. Malakas pa rin ang ulan. Madilim pa rin ang paligid. Iba pa rin ang pakiramdam ko.

Bigla kang nag-text kinahapunan at ano nga ba mararamdaman ko? Malamig sa office, malamig din ang panahon pero biglang nag-init pisngi ko at namula kahit pa isang word lang naman message mo at isang smiley.

Napatayo ako't napatingin na naman sa bintana...ikaw na ba talaga yun?

Di ko pa rin alam.

Behind the RAIN

Linggo. Oo Linggo nga pala ngayon.

Lakas ng ulan, iba na naman ang nararamdaman ko. Ganito talaga ako sa tuwing umuulan, may kung anong bigla na lang naaalala at nararamdaman na hindi ko alam. Iniisip ko kung ano nga ba iyon, pero di ko malaman. Bigla na lang ako napapahinto, natutulala, pinapakinggan ang patak ng malakas na buhos ng ulan na para bang isang musikang animo'y pampatulog.

Tumingin ako sa bintana, naisip kita. Ano kaya ang ginagawa mo ngayon? Nasa labas ka kaya? Baka nauulanan ka na? Di ko alam ba't ikaw ang naaalala ko? Bakit nga ba IKAW? IKAW na kaya ang sagot sa katanungan ko kung bakit iba ang nararamdaman ko sa tuwing umuulan?

Ewan.

Although I Choose to be Single...for now :)

“Loving someone is never a perfect journey. However, love enables a person to see beauty despite the imperfections and short-comings. A heart that faces challenges but continues to love passionately is far better than the one that never experienced it. Love is perhaps the most powerful human experience. It overcomes overwhelming struggles, heals the deepest wounds, and quenches every soul's longing.”  

Buntong-hininga

Sinabi ko sa sarili ko noon na hinding hindi ako magkakagusto o magmamahal ng isang kaibigan. ‘yung tipong kasa-kasama mo araw-araw at alam na lahat ng baho ng buhay mo. pakiramdam ko kasi kapatid ko na yun at nakakadiring pumatol sa ganon, incest ba.

Ilang beses ko na ring napatunayang matatag ako pagdating sa prinsipyong yan. pero neto lang nakaraan, tingin ko paunti-unti kong kinakain ang sarili kong mga salita. nakakainis. nakakagulo ng utak.

Tama, sabi ng isang kaibigang sociology major sa Peyups, familiarity breeds life. ibig sabihin, malaki daw ang tendency na mahulog ka sa isang taong nakasanayan mo nang makasama araw-araw, kahit pa sa pinakasimpleng mga bagay. hindi ako naniwala agad.

‘Yung isang taong takbuhan ko kapag gutom o bagot ako, naging kapatid ko na rin sya. parang weird lang dahil nitong nakaraang linggo, nagkakaroon ng kakaibang kahulugan para sakin ang bawat ngiti o halakhak nya sa mga biro ko. noon normal nalang yun. ngayon, iba. maganda sa pakiramdam. parang bumabagal lahat ng bagay sa paligid, nagiging mas makahulugan yung bawat salita o ngiti kapag sa bibig nya mismo nanggagaling. hay.

Hindi ko gustong magtunog-emo o malungkot dito. iniisip ko nga rin, mas pipiliin ko yata yung friendship na matagal-tagal na rin naming iniingatan. kasi kung hindi man lagi, kadalasan, mas nagtatagal ito at walang masasaktan.

Diamonds

"Look into the darkness and places you wouldn't normally look to find uniqueness, 'cause that's where the diamonds are hiding." ~Lady Gaga

help!!!

The pain is excruciating. I should have never allowed myself to fall in love with you. So now I'm hurt and helpless. Hindi na ako natuto diba? My fault again :'( Nahulog na naman ako sa patibong. Nalulunod na naman ako. Di ko alam kung makakaligtas pa ba ako o hahayaan ko nalang to. Buti sana kung beer to. At least alam ko pag sa beer makakasurvive pa ako. Sana beer ka na lang! Sino ang gustong uminom?? Tara lets!

Four thousand

4,000 views na! Tayo-tayo lang ba 'yon? Hahaha.

arrrgghh

i'm sorry... i just don't want to lose you.. :'(

Date

Habang nasa SM ako kanina, paulit-ulit kong sinasabi na June 6 ngayon at hindi February 14. Para akong sinasampal sa mukha sa tuwing may nakakasalubong akong mag-boyfriend at girlfriend, additional na sabunot at kurot kapag nagkataong magka-holding hands ang dalawa.

Sums me up

May mga taong mawawala sayo

Yung iba sakanila, permanente nang maglalaho. ganun daw talaga, yung iba dadaan lang para sa ilang paraan e mas hubugin tayo bilang tao.

Pero hindi ibig sabihin nun titigil ka na rin at 'di na iinog ang mundo mo. sus! kaya mo yan, tsong! malakas ka 'di ba? :)

Tuklaw

Gusto kong kumuha ng pet snake. Curious ako sa behaviors and mechanisms ng mga ahas.

Busy?

Ang hirap pag hindi ka busy

Nakakamis yung tight schedule

Nakakamis yung adrenaline 

Nakakamis yung stress

Ironic nga lang

Pag masyadong busy

Gustong magpahinga

Pag nakatambay

Gustong maging busy

Ganun talaga siguro ang buhay

Naghahanap ng kung ano ang wala

Parang parating may kulang

Parang may dapat ma-iba

Gusto ko maging busy, again :) 

Seasons Include Wait Times

I finished all of my academic and practicum requirements last April 15th, more than a month ago. Since then I started applying for jobs. Unfortunately, my many attempts proved to be unsuccessful.

To note, I got one phone call and the HR coordinator scheduled me for an interview. I was really excited. I prepared my portfolio and the semi-formal attire that I had to wear for that day. I was eagerly happy. I told my parents and a few friends to pray for me. I browsed through the company's website to brief myself with some of the possible questions. I also reviewed some notes on how to market my skills better.

My supposed interview on that day was scheduled at 1:00 PM. I woke up as early as 8:00 in the morning, took a shower, and prepared for my "big day". I checked on my bus schedule to make sure that I'll get there on time. Aside from the rainy weather, everything seemed to be fine.

I arrived at the agency at 12:30 PM. I put on my best smile to give the receptionist a good first impression. I was feeling so excited for my turn. Unfortunately, my cellphone rang. It was the HR coordinator. She asked me if I have a schedule at 1:00 PM. I replied, "yes, actually I'm already here at the reception". At that time I knew something was wrong. She finally uttered the sad news. She told me that my interview was cancelled and I should wait for another phone call for a probable next schedule. No definite time was given and no explanation was said. I did not bother to ask.

The moment immediately felt dull and my already depleted self-esteem grew weaker. I wanted to cry but I knew I had to be strong, at least for the moment. I took the bus home feeling down hearted. My thoughts passed through mountains and oceans as I was strongly considering the idea of going home to the Philippines. It seemed that there's no future that awaits for me here. I felt so small, so powerless.

Upon arriving home, I immediately went straight to my room. I felt so tired, tired of waiting, tired of hoping. However, I realized that I trusted God through that process. Yes, it did not work well but it does not change the fact that God is still God. In down times or good times, He is still God and He is unchangeable; He can never be moved. After all I'm just a human being, a mere dust, a shadow that chases after the wind.

All of my desires, longings, and ambitions are nothing and they, too shall pass. As the days go by and moments fade away, so will my temporal dreams. And an ancient proverb says, "success comes when you no longer crave for it for when you reach that point you don't chase after success anymore for it chases after you".

I know I'm getting there!

By the way, my name is Darnel. I'm privileged to be invited here at "The Coping Club". It feels so good to vent.

When that door opens

I will run fast, slam it hard, and never come back.

Ticket

Ngayon ko lang nalaman na bukas na pala ang alis ko. I'm leaving and it's all good. Hopefully this time, no more turning backs and no more backtracks. I'll be traveling alone which means I have enough time for myself before I mix myself to a new crowd.

I always like starts and beginnings, they give me the strange yet soothing feeling of assurance, or opportunities more likely. Tomorrow is another day, so was yesterday. But tomorrow should at least be different, special. Tomorrow, another chance is waiting for me in a far off place. I'll be leaving my comfort zone and I hope that I'll find where my heart has been all this time.

I have been living my life with one foot out the door. I am always on the verge of leaving. Staying for a long time is difficult for me, much more staying for good. I just don't feel doing routines, being with the same people, and dwelling in places where change is a never heard word.

Tomorrow is a justification of those things.

I can always look back, but never will I come back. That's how firm and definite my decision is, at least for now.

I am not sure if after some time I'll feel this urge again, to leave and turn over an even newer leaf.

I remember writing this draft in a hotel lobby but I never got to click on the publish button.

Trials. Heartaches. Failures. Rejection. These are all launchpads to success. They give us the drive to rise up, to seize every chance to win. They push us out of our comfort zones. They teach us to defend ourselves until we are invincible.

Mahapdi

Yung feeling na di mo alam kung san ka lulugar. o pano ka aasta. kasi di mo alam kung ano ba talaga yung meron kayo. sobrang labo! pero wala kang sapat na lakas na loob para magtanong o magsalita. nakakasira ng kokote.

Nasa ibang lugar ako noon, nagtatrabaho. Nakakapagod, pero I tried to enjoy the place kasi sayang naman ang pakakataon. Napaka nostalgic ng feeling tuwing gabi lalo na't halos bulb lang ang nagsisilbing street lights sa lugar. Lalo na't bigla kong nalaman na ililipat raw ako ng team. Actually, nilipat na.
Ok lang naman, nakakabigla nga lang. Nakakalungkot dahil nasanay na akong makipagpuyatan sa nakagisnan kong grupo.

Oo na.

For now, I'm happy...and bitter. Call it an after-taste. Like eating your favorite isaw at Legazpi Rotonda.

Ampait

Di ko alam kung bakit gising pa ako. Naalala ko siya bigla. Malamang gising pa siya, itext ko kaya? Kaso baka hindi naman niya pansinin. Nahihiya ako.

Anyway, ampait ng iced mocha.

;)

Nahiya naman ako sa grammar ko. At nahiya naman akong hindi ako marunong magproofread. Sige, maglaro tayo.

Pride

Pride pride pride. kung pwede ka lang isangla, sigurado sobrang yaman ko na.

Kaarawan

Sa aking fan este idol pala belated Happy Birthday.. From Paris Hilton =)
I know you are still waiting for me..hahaha =)

5.10.2011

Hello slow Karma! Move yo fat ass!

Sakto

6, 8, 12


Ooh, ooh
Do you ever think about me?
Do you ever cry yourself to sleep?
In the middle of the night when you're awake,
Are you calling out for me?
Do you ever reminisce?


It's been six months, eight days, twelve hours
Since you went away
I miss you so much and I don't know what to say
I should be over you
I should know better but it's just not the case 
It's been six months, eight days, twelve hours
Since you went away


Do you ever ask about me?
Do your friends still tell you what to do?
Every time the phone rings,
Do you wish it was me calling you?
Do you still feel the same?
Or has time put out the flame?


8 May 2011

Nagui-guilty rin naman ako pag nag-aaway kami ng nanay ko. Syempre kahit sabihin nyang manang mana ako sa tatay kong halang ang sikmura, nanay ko pa rin naman sya, at asawa nya pa rin yung tatay ko.

Ma, alam kong di mo to mababasa, at alam kong kahit kelan eh hindi ako ang pinangarap mong sweet na anak pero happy mother's day pa din sayo at sa lahat ng nanay na patuloy na nagtyatyaga at tumatanda dahil sa konsumisyon. Di ko kakalimutan yung pangako ko na kapag pumuti na lahat ng buhok mo, ako yung magkukulay nyan para sayo.

Anak ng bagoong naman oh, sana talaga mabasa mo to, ang sweet ko eh.

All of you

*pointing fingers like a drunk man*

I guess you've pushed me really hard that I've learned to fly.

What's Bugging U Lately?

My life has been a little down and slow paced lately, or maybe longer than I have noticed. There has always been a void that suddenly strikes me at any time it desires. I’m often caught unprepared, and when it comes I am unsure of what to do. Most of the times, I just succumb to being a victim of circumstance, of my own choices, of fate—and of anything else I can blame.

I consider myself weak, because I think so. My goal is to become a stronger person, and that being said, with consistency.

I have listed the things that are bugging me lately. These things frustrate me. In order to overcome these, I must identify it so that I can apply the best possible solution.

I just want to share these with you. Maybe you feel the same, and you can share your thoughts about it with me.

Absence of Romantic Relationship. (I know, cliche but) Love is one void in me that has never been filled up since the last time I was in a romantic relationship. Not having one makes me still think about my ex who broke up with me two years ago. I don’t think I have ever moved on, because I never really found someone else. The absence of somebody to love has made me a liar. Whenever my officemates ask me if I have a girlfriend (or a boyfriend, they desperately pose) I tell them I have the former, and if they ask for details I say I want to keep it private or change the topic to escape and end the conversation about me.

The social expectation makes me want to look for love. It is hard because I cannot see anyone that I can find love with. It makes me look at my life miserably.

Unable to do what I want to do. I have been in the call center industry for two years now. This is my first job since I graduated from college. I took this path because I want to earn money, since I know how it feels to not have some. I don’t want to beg for money. I don’t want to rely to others, especially to my parents, for money. Some may consider what I have achieved in this field a milestone because I luckily get posts others took a longer time to achieve. I am grateful of it too, but still I feel unhappiness and discontent. Although I initially got what I wanted, it strikes me hard when I think of what I should really become. Simply put—I finished journalism, so I should be writing. I should be outside, wandering, taking notes, sharing what I knew and discovered through some media—yet I am not where my heart is.

Failure to pursue a Networking opportunity. Early this year, or late last year, friends—one, I considered my best—came up to me. It was a bit of a shock that they appeared at my apartment’s doorstep. I knew that they were up to something. They didn’t immediately say it because they waited for the perfect timing. When they got the timing they needed they talked me into a business opportunity. It was a networking deal, you recruit more people to join the group. To earn, you get people and/or sell the company’s product. When my friends reached me out for this, I was in the mood to do something else that would add up to my earnings. I honestly thought they were just using me, and taking advantage of the friend they have in me. Although I was in doubt of their sincerity as friends, I willingly agreed to be swayed into what they wanted me to do. I invested money, “not as much as what you would invest to other businesses,” they said. I was discouraged by my own stubbornness and by the thought that these people came up to me because they were up to something. I never tried recruiting anyone into the organization. My friends might have been there for a good reason, but I didn’t like their idea of showing up because of it. It made me trust them less.

Material Things. I am working because I want to have a secure future. I want that one day my family and I will live a more comfortable life. I don’t see the fruits of my labor yet. I am excited to own a house and a car or houses and cars, and I don’t have any idea when I’ll have it.

I am pretty tensed with myself. I want to get everything right. There is no room for mistakes because I hate to disappoint myself knowing that I will disappoint others. I know the importance of letting loose, but it is hard when you don’t know what to let go first. I am 23 and counting, but you can subtract the past two years because I don’t think I have lived then—until I sincerely feel FREEDOM.

P.S. Gagged, paki-edit. HAHA

Judas

We're all Judas at one point--a part of life's destiny but falls casualty to being misunderstood.

What was I thinking?

The ex messaged me on Facebook about professional matters since we are affiliated to the same organization. Due to a sudden surge of emotions, I sent her a "friend request." Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Arrrgh!

After banging my head on the wall rethinking, I canceled the friend request before she accepts it. Why did I even think she would accept it? I quickly thought, I wouldn't want to read what's on her wall every now and then. Nor someday check out her changed relationship status when she and my "friend" finally announce their affair.

For now it's good. We're neither enemies nor friends.

bridge

Nalaman ko sa isang bagong kaibigan na may listahan pala ang kapatid mo kung sino ang dapat mong i-unfriend. Kung kailan makakalimutan ko na ang ginawa mo may nalaman na naman ako. Nakakalungkot lang talaga. Sinunod mo naman siya kahit naniniwala akong labag yun sa kalooban ko. Blood is thicker than water ika nga. Sabi pa raw babalik ka dito. Hindi imposibleng magkikita tayo. Paano kaya kita haharapin? Mag-eexplain ka kaya bakit mo yun ginawa? Bahala na! I will just cross the bridge when i get there.

Won't let this happen again

I should ignore this feeling. Hindi na tama. Ako lang naman ang nahihirapan, hindi naman niya alam.

I know in the first place na hindi ko na 'to dapat naramdaman pa. Pasensya ka na aking puso, palagi kitang pinipigilan at hinahayaang masaktan. Maraming beses na, paulit ulit na lang. Hindi ko sinasadya.

Sisiguraduhin kong sa susunod na tumibok ka ulit, sa tamang tao na at sa tamang panahon kung kailan hindi na kita kailangan pang pigilan pa.

Instead of Unfriend-ing...

I was reading my FB newsfeed, and someone posted something. I have always wanted to unfriend that person but thought it would be so rude of me, especially because I know the feeling (believe me!) I realized that instead of unfriending someone you don't want to know anything about, or atleast their little random personal updates, you can just hide all their posts by clicking the X option at the upper right corner of their post. It is a win-win situation. You won't hurt their feeling because they won't know, and their posts won't affect you anymore because you won't know either.:)

Gagged!

Usad-pagong

Sabi nila ang love daw parang ipis lang. kala mo patay na, yun pala buhay pa. parang ikaw. parang tayo. pagkatapos kong maghirap umusad, walang ka-effort effort mo akong hinahatak pabalik sayo. at sa halip na matuwa ako, pakiramdam ko kelangan ko pang mamroblema at mag-isip nang mag-isip nang mag-isip. sana di ka nalang bumalik e. hay.

/sumasakit bangs ko sayo.

My heart skipped for a second, i slowed down.

I took a deep breath. I heard you call my name. My reflexes were to look back and smile, only to find out that you we're actually calling the person behind me whose name nearly resembles mine. I felt the heat on my cheeks. My palms sweat. I hope I did not blush.

I know you saw it. The eagerness to look at you, the impulsive smile, and how it turned blank after the truth dawned on me. You saw how my face turned red, you and your sardonic smile effortlessly sentenced my pride.

You said I am a clairvoyant. I guess you're right. Because at that very moment, I am sure of what you were thinking. That after almost a year and a half, I am still the pathetic girl you left behind, you wanted to grow up, you wished to explore the world, you hoped to find new things and meet new people, and all the while, i thought that you included me on your plans, but fate proved me wrong.

I don't want to sound distressed nor to look wretched after you left me, but God knows how long I lamented on what had happened.

You saw my smile, if you only knew it was genuine. That there's no trace of resentment directed towards you. It was as if we're still walking on the same ground, hand in hand. Happy, contented, assured.

You're not the same anymore. You've reached your dreams and I can sense that you're still making your way, there are more and bigger opportunities yet to come. You have made it and I am happy for you.

Lost objects do have the tendency to stay lost, only to turn up months after you have given up looking, and have forgotten all about it.

True.

A blow job

This is a blow job. Because it is a job that sucks.

Not to be ungrateful to my current source of living, but I just miss writing for the newspaper. I miss the rewarding feeling of a published story that carries an impact to the lives of many. I miss visiting islands, climbing hills, wading rivers for a story to be told. I miss talking to interesting characters--celebrities or commoners alike.

In my world now, I squeeze my brain to accomplish paperworks for a day and at the end of it nobody cares so much, because I'm paid anyway. I would find myself wandering after office hours, hosting a radio show, ghostwriting for the lazy, and meeting my newfound friends--probably in search for that satisfaction and meaning that I have been groping for.

I am paid. They bought me for a price. I was offered this job, I didn't even look for it. And I know there are throngs of people out there dying to land a job, but I am just starting to give up!

Because I feel insulted. This job has bought my ideas, my talent, my vision, my time, my influence when I could have used them more powerfully and not just for the interest of the few.

I wouldn't want to be a few digits richer and feel like I've lost my mind and my entire life altogether.

I am absent from work today, because I am sick. I really am sick.

swerte

Mukhang maswerte din sa akin ang araw na to tulad mo Kim. Kahit napuyat ako kagabi, ayos lang. Narinig ng buong Pilipinas (yung mga maaga lang gumising at masipag pumindot ng remote control) ang boses at pangalan ko. Hindi ko man nakita ang kabuuan, may nagtext pa rin sa akin na mangilan-ngilan. Congratulations sabi ng isa, proud daw siya na kilala niya ako. Naks! Ang sabi naman ni Gagged, ako na! Tanong niya pa ano kaya yung na feel ni ms. kulot nung makita/marinig niya ako? Magkasunod pala kaming umere kanina. Well, sabi ni Gagged, mas magaling daw ako. Hindi ko alam kung dahil close lang talaga kami kaya sinabi niya yun. Pero ang point, sinabi niya pa rin. Napatanong din ako. Ano kaya nafeel niya? Baka deadma lang din. Kasi kung nakita ko din ang pag-ere niya, deadma lang din ako, tulad niya.

Dear Rix,

Gagged!

1000 pesos sa overpass...

Habang paakyat, sinasabi ko sa sarili ko na hindi na magbabago ang pananampalataya ko sa Diyos. Nang maabot ko ang tuktok, naagaw ang atensyon ko ng nagyeyellow na papel na nakahiga sa sementadong sahig. Tila kumakaway at gustong papulot. Dahil easy to get ako, pinulot ko naman. Paglingon ko, tila tinawag ako ng kapatid nyang nakasimangot, at gustong papulot din. Siyempre, ginawa ko naman.

Tumakbo ang isip at ang mga paa ko sa lalaking kabababa palang. Nilapitan ko sya at tinanong kung may nahulog s'yang pera.

Ako: May nahulog ka po bang pera? (sabi ko nga yun ang tinanong ko di ba? haha)

Dali-daling kinuha ni kuya ang wallet nya at tiningnan kung may nawala nga s'ya. Kinapa niya ang kanyang bulsa at tinanong din ako, "magkano ba?"

Sa likod ng utak ko sinagot ko s'ya ng "ba't ko sasabihin, kung sayo 'to dapat alam mo."

Tila narinig nya ang sinabi ko, at mabuti naman at ganun.

"Wala naman akong nawala," sabi niya.

Hindi ko alam kung nagpasalamat ako sa pagkausap ko sa kanya, pero umakyat na ulit ako sa overpass para ipagpatuloy ang aking naunsyaming pagtawid.

Wala akong nakitang street child o malapit na charity kaya ipinasok ko na lang sa bag ang dalawang nakasimangot na papel.

Hulog kaya iyon ng langit, o masama ba akong tao?

Kung ikaw may napulot na sanlibo, ano ang gagawin mo?

Pano ba?

Sabi nila, hindi magagamot ng pagdeactivate ng account sa facebook o ang pagpalit ng number ang sakit na tinatago mo. hindi rin ito matatapalan ng bagong taong magbibigay sayo ng sobra sobrang atensyon. lalong lalo nang hindi ito kayang gamutin sa isang tulugan. tipong sa paggising mo e wala na lahat. masaya ka na ulit. walang magagawa ang araw-araw na pag-inom. sakit sa bato lang ang makukuha mo.

Alam ko ang lahat ng 'yon, pero paulit-ulit ko pa ring ginagawa. dahil sa totoo lang, hindi ko na alam ang pinakepektibong paraan para bukas di na kita maalala.

Dear Gagged

Sa totoo lang ipinanganak yata akong chismosa laging curious sa mga bagay-bagay. libangan kong pagtagpi-tagpiin ng mga maliliit na istorya. at dahil hindi kita personal na kilala, kating kati akong alamin kung sino ang mga tinutukoy mo sa posts mo. inaamin ko, nastalk na rin kita sa facebook. pero malungkot akong hindi yata nagtagumpay ang aking stalking skills. ay mali, itinuturing ko 'yong talent. haha. pakiramdam ko masyadong interesante ang istorya ng buhay mo, lalo ng ng past mo; ang babaeng nasa billboard na mas gustong katabi si Iya sa litrato. at ang pinag-alayan mo ng litratong bato jan sa ibaba.

Ayoko na nga magstalk. hindi ko na rin bubulatlatin ang kwento ng buhay mo. napahiya ako ng konti e. konti lang naman. hahaha. pero nakakatuwa ring isipin na dahil sa blog na to e may nakikilala akong ibang tao (although hindi pa personally) at natututo ako ng maraming bagay. solomot.

PS: curios na curious pa rin ako, praaaaamis. =))

Akala

Nabanggit ng kapwa ko manunulat sa blog na ito ang hula nia sa aking pagkatao. Natawa ako nang mapagkamalaan niya ako for someone else. Pero yun na din yung hinala ko na iisipin niya. Sinabi ko nga kay Andrew na most probably ganun ang conclusion ni Rix. =) Masaya ako na hanggang ngayon misteryoso pa rin ang katauhan ko. Enjoy talaga ako sa nagagawa ng blog na ito, hindi lang sa mga nagbabasa kundi pati na rin sa mga sumusulat.

Btw, wala na akong photo nung nasa billboard sa FB ko. Bitter kasi ako.. haha..

Tsaka, wala ata sa job description ng akala niang tao ang maglayout ng dyaryo =)

Bato

Gagged!

as in.. duhhh!

akala mo mapapaniwala mo ako niyan? nakakatawa ka. pinapaniwala mo ang ibang tao sa maganda mo kunong ugali. gustong mong mangyari sayo ang nangyari sa kaawa-awang pusa? kaso malaki ata ang gagamitin kong plastic container! pero kung naawa ako sa pusa sayo hindi. ang lakas na talaga ng loob mo. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!! naiinis ako!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And so

my contemporaries are getting hitched? Baka bored lang sila. Or baka buntis. Or baka olats ang career life. Or baka...wala lang talang nagmamahal sa akin.

:'(

All We'd Ever Need lyrics

Boy it's been all this time
And I can't get you off my mind
And nobody knows it but me

I stare at your photograph
Still sleep in the shirt you left
And nobody knows it but me

Everyday I wipe my tears away
So many nights I've prayed for you to say

[Chorus]
I should've been chasing you
I should've been trying to prove
That you were all that mattered to me
I should've said all the things that I kept inside of me
And maybe I could've made you believe
That what we had was all we'd ever need

My friends think I'm moving on
But the truth is I'm not that strong
And nobody knows it but me

And I've kept all the words you said
In a box underneath my bed
And nobody knows it but me

But if you're happy I'll get through somehow
But the truth is that I've been screaming out

[Repeat Chorus]

I should've been chasing you
You should've been trying to prove
That you were all that mattered to me
Oh you should've said all the things
That I kept inside of me
And maybe you could've made me believe
That what we had girl
Oh that what we had, what we had
It was all we'd ever need
It was all we'd ever need

gagged!

Summer of 2011 na (OMG!)

Summer na. Naiinggit ako sa mga estudyante, kasi sila bakasyon na. Iba ang pakiramdam na maging pansamantalang maging malaya sa mga gawaing tinuturing mong pasanin. Masayang alam mong pagkakataon mo nang gawin ang mga nais mong gawin sa sarili mong pamamaraan. Naglululundag ang puso mo sa tuwa, parang Party! Party!

Naalala ko na naman kung pano nagsimula ang matamis na nakaraan. Summer Job of 2007, at Summer of 2009 naman iyon mapait na nagtapos. Sa pagbabalik-tanaw ko, naisip ko tila mas mahaba lang ang relasyon namin sa Isang Linggong Pag-ibig (ni Imelda Papin) ngunit ang paglipas ay tila mas mabilis pa sa isang iglap.

Nostalgic lang ako ngayon sa kaiisip ng Summer dahil marka ito na mahaba nang nagbakasyon ang puso ko from romantic love. Mahabang panahon nang naging malaya ang nabihag kong puso, at nararamdaman ko na ang mahigpit na yakap ng tagtuyot. Pinagtatanto ko kung marapat na ba akong magmahal muli? At kung oo, bakit?

Gagged!

Kating kati na naman akong bisitahin ang account nya sa facebook. Buti na lang eh medyo duwag din ako't di ko kayang makita na may bago na naman syang kaharutan. Ang hirap. Minsan nga'y naiisip ko na mas mabuti na rin sigurong magkaron na sya ng bagong lovelife, yung seryoso, di yung puro pa-kilig at pa-display lang ang alam. Syempre sigurado namang magnga-ngangawa rin ako kapag nagkatotoo yun,
pero at least eh one time big time na sampal yun sa mukha ko, masakit, pero alam kong mas madali akong magigising.

Pagnagkataon, di ko na iisipin na siguro'y mahal nya pa rin ako't puro pagpapaselos lang ang ka-kornihan nila sa facebook.
Di ko na rin pag-iisipan ng masinsinan kung para sa'kin ba yung mga double meaning nyang status.
Di na rin ako magbabakasakaling takaw at lunod lang siya sa pride nya, kunsabagy eh swerte sya't mas matangkad na sakanya ang iniingatan niyang ego.
At lalong lalo nang hindi na rin ako dadalaw sa wall nya dahil isa na sya, sila, sa mga taong pinaglililibak ko noon, yun bang lantaran ang buhay pag-ibig, kulang nalang eh gawan nila ng pelikula o teleserye ang kabaduyan nila.

Ewan. Ang kati kasi. Siguro'y dahil pagaling na. ganyan daw ang mga sugat sabi ng nanay ko,
wag daw kamutin kasi'y pepeklat rin lang naman.

out of sight, out of mind

oh talaga? hindi rin eh.

kabute

ang hirap talagang mag move on. may mga pagkakataon na biglang susulpot ang mga alaalang masasaya tapos biglang ung masasakit naman. ang sakit isiping pinagdasal mong maabot ang mga pangarap nung isa tapos nung naabot niya na kinalimutan ka na. akala ko sa pelikula lang nangyayari ang mga ganung eksena sa totoong buhay din pala. kung pwede lang sanang bawiin ko lahat ng ipinagdasal ko. ano kaya ang mangyayari sayo??

Gagged!

Radyo

Masayang magbasa ng mga text messages tuwing naka-onboard ako sa radyo. Samu't saring mga pagbati, request, at kung anu-ano pa. May mga naghahanap nang textmate, yung girl 18-28, hindi maarte, at pwedeng makatext magdamagan.'Yong iba naghahanap nang pwedeng maging sugar mommy.

Kagabi may isang texter na nagsabi na masama ang loob niya dahil nakipagbreak daw sa kanya ang gf niya, sabay request ng kantang "Sorry na" ng Parokya ni Edgar na hindi ko naman na-play kasi wala sa playlist namin.

Nagbigay ako ng advice sa kanya na hayaan niya na munang lumipas ang panahon. Hayaan niyang humilom muna ang sugat. Sinabi ko rin sa kanyang 'wag padadala sa kanyang emosyon, kasi minsan sa sobrang sakit at sama ng loob natin ay nakabibitaw tayo ng mga masasakit na salita, na kailanma'y hindi na natin maaaring bawiin.

At bakit ba ako nagbibigay ng payo? Hindi naman siya humihingi.

Hopeless

Nagulat ako, nung nirerefresh ko ang webpage ang lumabas ay Facebook profile mo. Sabi ko, siguro sinyales 'to na dapat batiin kita dahil graduate ka na? Tapos magiging close ulit tayo. Kaso biglang naalala ko, yung birthday ko nga nakalimutan mo. Kaya ang ang naging sagot sa eksenang ito sa likod ng utak ko (at the back of my mind, translation? ), "HINDI RIN."

Duwag

Ilang buwan na pala ang lumipas; pawang masasaya't malulungkot. kung tutuusin, kinaya ko nang mabuhay na wala ka. pero inaamin ko, hanggang ngayon e takot pa rin akong makitang "in a relationship" ka na sa Facebook. madudurog yata lalo ang puso ko. -.-

Billboard Part 3

gagged!

Gagged!

Nag-level up na ako

At least ngayon, eyebrow piercing na lang ang hinihintay kong maghilom.

Supalpal!

Boy: Miss, pwede ba manligaw?
Girl: Oo naman! bakit hinde? basta 'wag saken. :p

Nyahahaha.

Hinay hinay lang

Hindi naman sinabing 'wag ka magmahal nang lubos. hindi rin sinabing pigilan mo ang sarili mo. pero sa tingin ko, sa oras na nagmamahal ka na, subukan mo ring magtira kahit konti sa sarili mo. kahit konti lang. para kung sakaling isang araw ay wala na sya, 'di ka naman ganoon ka-baldado. at kahit papano e kakayanin mong  magsimula kahit mag-isa ka.

Thinking of You

You rarely cross my mind; but when I do, here is one thing I always want to tell you:

U might have turned them into believers, but those who really know u don't believe in U anymore. Now, take that.

gagged!

Sarap pakinggan, himig ng tunay na pakakaibigan

BILLBOARD

Hindi ko nakita.
I mean, hindi ko tiningnan! =)

Echosera

gagged!

Body piercing

Hindi naman pala masakit. Dahil may mga bagay na sadyang mas masakit pa sa body piercing.

Maligayang Paglalayag

Alam kong magiging masaya ka dyan. Masaya ako na ipagpapatuloy mo na ang mga naudlot mong pangarap. Hindi man ako nadyan palagi, alam mong may maaasahan ka dito. You know where to find me. Isang paalala: ok lang kung kahit papaano'y lingunin mo ang nakaraan basta wag mo nang babalikan. Ikaw din. :)

Wala pa ring KALAYAAN

GAGGED!

tupperware

Kung may mga bagay dito sa mundo na ipinagpapasalamat ko, yun yung nakilala ko ang iyong tunay na pagkatao. Sa ilang taon nating magkasama, pilit mo palang ikinubli ang tunay mong ugali. Kung dumating man ang panahon na makakaharap ko na si San Pedro, malakas ang loob kong sasabihin sa kanya na naging totoo ako sa sarili ko at sa mga taong nasa paligid ko. Kaya good luck na lang saiyo.

Depths

So this is the depths of pain. It is seething hard but it teaches you life's biggest ironies and mysteries.

My deep pain comes from my discovery of the unthinkable traits of man in a dog-eat-dog world--how friends could suddenly turn into savage beasts that devour you and how they could play sheep to save their faces. In reality, life's discrepancies can be utterly frustrating. Life is just unfair.

But at the point of breaking down, you would learn to value whatever is left of you, if it's dignity, be it dignity. If it's just a bit of your pride or just your self, you would learn to safekeep, to protect, to defend. You would learn to pat your own back in the midst of torment. You would love yourself above anyone else, for in times of suffering, self-preservation is knee-jerk.

test

ikaw na mismo ang lumayo. at sa paglayo mo, parang kinalimutan mo na rin ang lahat. hindi ako magmamakaawang bumalik ka dahil hindi ako tanga. ayoko lang na dumating ang panahon na gagawin mo rin ang ginagawa ng aso- kinakain ang mga isinuka niya. wala ka nang kakainin. tandaan mo yan!

In-sek-yo-ra

Ginagawa mo ang lahat para manira ng iba. kung ganyan ka at wala ka ng ibang paraan para makaramdam ng kahit konting kakuntentohan, kawawa ka naman. ikaw ang totoong depinisyon ng salitang loser. tumanda ka nga, paurong naman. get a life, man.

So this is the pain that kills.

-_-

*wink*

I will endure all the pulling-me-back-with-a-string, because I just know after you have done enough to pull me away from my goal, you'll get tired, and the string will launch me like a rocket.

Havey daw ito sabi ng kaibigan ko

"Ako, manunulat. Siya, manunulot."

February 14

KAOPISINA : Ma'am maguundertime po ako. (Sabay ngiti.)
AKO : Ma'am, mag-oovertime po ako. (Sabay hagalpak.)

Un.

Biyo pa

Isibog ta an Mayon. Kaya ta ini.

...

When you're going through something tough and painful, hang in there, because that might just be your defining moment.

Ahihi

Nakakapagod pala magtanim ng bakawan lalo na kung may poise kang pinangangalagaan. ngayon naisip ko mahirap pala talaga maging bayani. mahirap alagaan ang kalikasan. buti nalang ang ganda ko. I whip my hair back and forth. lol.

Personified

I am not sarcastic. I am sarcasm.

120/60

Mababa ang BP ko. Low blood. Nahihirapan yata ang heart ko magpump ng blood. Kawawa naman ang heart ko.

Walong piso, walang puso

P8 na ang pamasahe simula kanina. Nagmahal na. Pati Chippy sa munting tindahan ni Ate Taba P7 na. Nagmahal na rin. Buti pa sila nagmamahal.

LOL. Okay.

May nagbenta sa akin ng Valentine dinner ticket sa isang hotel. Yung reaksyon ko lang para akong binebentahan ng Memorial Plan. @_@

Mondays

Life will just really be a matter of seasons. One day you wake up and everything seems to perfectly fit. And there is just something magical about Mondays, it's like everyone is trying to have a new life. But Tuesday is another day. And so on.

-----

Wag mong hahayaang masanay sa isang bagay, o isang taong bukas makalawa, pag tingin mo e wala na pala. kelangan mong alalahaning may mga taong ano mang oras ay kaya kang bitiwan-- handa ka man o hindi. may sasalo man sayo o wala.

Bitter

It's quite annoying when people tease you of being "bitter." In a tragic relationship where you got cheated on, don't allow others to tell you not to be the "Bitter Ex." Reality is you ARE truly, madly, deeply bitter. You can't be apathetic. You're not numb! ANONG GUSTO NIYO MAGING SWEET AKO? For now, I am bitter. And if you have a problem with that, then STOP licking me.

Saya, saya

'Wag ka nang malungkot, kasi wala naman silang paki. Lugi ka.